A very good therapist of mine once told me that once you suffer with mental illnesses, it's basically with you for life! Sure you recover but it's always going to be an underlying problem which lies dormant in the background, until something big happens && that's when it'll show it's hideous face and bites you on the ass! Pretty depressing thought huh? A more depressing thought is that no doubt I'll be in and out of therapy for the rest of my life (says this same therapist) to be honest I didn't really know what to think when she said that... But I guess at the end of the day I have come to accept the fact that I'll never be that super confident/bubbly girl I used to be! Now I love that therapist very much but it also made me question her inside when she said it but she was just being the honest person that she is with me so i've learnt to accept it!
It's not all bad news really if you think about it... Pretty much the majority of people in America have a therapist of some sort may it be for mental health or marital so it's very usual- so I wouldn't exactly be out of place if I was in therapy each week. I guess it's more a whispered subject especially around people of my age so that's no doubt why you never hear people saying "Oh im just off to therapy" When actually nearly half the majority of friends whom I speak with have been in therapy at some point in their life for a whole range of different reasons!
The way I am going right now makes me sound as though im really old when im actually only 17, but when it comes to mental illnesses it feels as though i've been this way for a lifetime! I landed into the world of mental illness when I was 14 years old back when I was in Year 9 and im now 17! Since then I have seen multiple therapists in the mental health service CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) one very lovely, one lovely && the rest meh but saying that my all time favorite, S.O now she was my best girlie for sure! I don't think I have met a more awesome person than S.O in my entire life- she was that good!
I've signed up for more counseling with a different service as Im just not getting enough help with CAMHS so hopefully that'll help having more support- im meeting my new therapist on the 24th this month so it's pretty exciting although extremely nerve racking as I get v. anxious meeting new people especially people whom im telling my problems too! I don't want to sound un-grateful about having the support of CAMHS but I mean the major change I've had with the help of the service is that im not majorly underweight. Ya, that's it between the ages of 14-17 that is it... *sigh* I guess im in this roller-coaster ride for the long haul!
Being mentally ill really is an odd-weird-scary-roller-coaster of a journey, I mean one minute your feeling totally and utterly depressed the next your in the middle... it's odd! But I guess that's everyone's life i've just described-mentally ill or not- everyone has their ups and downs!
Emma x
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