Evening Everyone
Oh gosh so tomorrow is D day you could say- right now im an anxiety provoked mess, im dreading tomorrow so bad! Although I do not believe in the fact that the world is going to 'end' in 2012- right now I wish it would end right at this moment so I don't have to go through tomorrow...That's how nervous I am!
I had my appt with my CAMHS worker today and we discussed about tomorrow && about the Valium to help me with the anxiety! She suggested that I take 4mg of it an hour before the appt, so it has time to kick in- I really want to take it but again I find it hard due to my anxiety over taking meds! Also another worry I have is Valium (Diazepam) is extremely addictive, I really don't want to be on 3 different types of meds!
Anyways back to the problem in hand! I think im just going to see in the morning how I feel as to take the Valium or not, it would be good if I don't have to but we'll just see! So my plan for tomorrow- leave at 10.00am (Boo no Jeremy Kyle for me- my weakness) get to the city around 10.30-which is good because then there will be minimal waiting around in the waiting room ( I cannot stand waiting when it's something like that) *fingers crossed* That i'll be able to take my iPod in with me!! I'll be in and out by 11.00, let's just hope I don't run away in fear!!
Emma x
P.S Did I mention I have a bad ass fear of the dentist?
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Thursday Is The Day!
A Very Good Evening To You All,
So my 'goal of the week' is to get my ass to the dentist- the first step has been taken in making the appointment, no I did not make it myself like I said I would (not in a million years) but my mother did for me which was nice- but im used to her making my calls due to my social anxiety! So I now have my first appt ever in over two years to go to the dentist this thursday at 10.40, I really wanted to get a morning appointment so there is less anxiety than an afternoon appt!
Thursday it is-what makes it worse is that it's in the City so I have to travel pretty far so the anxiety gets raised even more but I have a plan....Valium! Last year when I first started the Prozac, I was given a small prescription of Diazepam to help with my anxiety in extreme circumstances! Although I suffer with acute anxiety 24/7 I hadn't been able to take the Valium due to my emet && anxiety over taking meds but now I think is a very good chance to take it, if it's gonna help and get me through then this will be the way!
Thank God im seeing my CAMHS worker tomorrow- so then I can discuss the Valium effects with her beforehand! I read on the internet that it's best to take it 45 minutes before the anxiety provoking situation as that's when it's at it's highest potency... let's just hope that is the case on thursday! Im also planning on taking my iPod in there with me, something very loud && happy will help for sure- Im just no good at singing a song in my head as I just end up getting distracted with all the' B'7s...C'6... crossbite....you'll need braces' talk!
Wish Me Luck- i'll need all of it!
Emma x
So my 'goal of the week' is to get my ass to the dentist- the first step has been taken in making the appointment, no I did not make it myself like I said I would (not in a million years) but my mother did for me which was nice- but im used to her making my calls due to my social anxiety! So I now have my first appt ever in over two years to go to the dentist this thursday at 10.40, I really wanted to get a morning appointment so there is less anxiety than an afternoon appt!
Thursday it is-what makes it worse is that it's in the City so I have to travel pretty far so the anxiety gets raised even more but I have a plan....Valium! Last year when I first started the Prozac, I was given a small prescription of Diazepam to help with my anxiety in extreme circumstances! Although I suffer with acute anxiety 24/7 I hadn't been able to take the Valium due to my emet && anxiety over taking meds but now I think is a very good chance to take it, if it's gonna help and get me through then this will be the way!
Thank God im seeing my CAMHS worker tomorrow- so then I can discuss the Valium effects with her beforehand! I read on the internet that it's best to take it 45 minutes before the anxiety provoking situation as that's when it's at it's highest potency... let's just hope that is the case on thursday! Im also planning on taking my iPod in there with me, something very loud && happy will help for sure- Im just no good at singing a song in my head as I just end up getting distracted with all the' B'7s...C'6... crossbite....you'll need braces' talk!
Wish Me Luck- i'll need all of it!
Emma x
NOTD: Melon Madness
Evening Bloggers of The Blogging World
As usual every tuesday afternoon is my nail art afternoon where Im surrounded by bottles of nail varnish && the cast of Criminal Minds! Today I wasn't really sure what to do so it took a good 10 minutes of pondering until I had that magical moment && decided on my nail art for the day.... Watermelon! The best melon there is... so why not put 'em on my nails!
What I Used:
- Barry M Bright Pink
- Barry M Green
- Barry M Matt White
- Models Own Nail Art Pen
- BeautyUK Clear
This is one of my mum's favorite nail arts that I have done so far- I love it && yes I know some of the 'rind' lines are straight and perfect but who cares, it makes it more home-made when they aren't perfect! I love looking down at my nails and seeing these little fruity numbers, they pop a smile on my face-which is what I need a lot of the time!
Emma x
As usual every tuesday afternoon is my nail art afternoon where Im surrounded by bottles of nail varnish && the cast of Criminal Minds! Today I wasn't really sure what to do so it took a good 10 minutes of pondering until I had that magical moment && decided on my nail art for the day.... Watermelon! The best melon there is... so why not put 'em on my nails!
What I Used:
- Barry M Bright Pink
- Barry M Green
- Barry M Matt White
- Models Own Nail Art Pen
- BeautyUK Clear
This is one of my mum's favorite nail arts that I have done so far- I love it && yes I know some of the 'rind' lines are straight and perfect but who cares, it makes it more home-made when they aren't perfect! I love looking down at my nails and seeing these little fruity numbers, they pop a smile on my face-which is what I need a lot of the time!
Emma x
Monday 29 August 2011
Goal Of The Week!
Bonjour Lovelies
So it's a new week- although it doesn't feel like it due to the bank holiday- and a new 'goal of the week'! I haven't really thought much about my goal for this week... There is something nagging away in my mind though- something that I really should do before october, as this'll be me in before Christmas!
This photo massively scares me....
So it's a new week- although it doesn't feel like it due to the bank holiday- and a new 'goal of the week'! I haven't really thought much about my goal for this week... There is something nagging away in my mind though- something that I really should do before october, as this'll be me in before Christmas!
No I won't be Katy Perry but I will have braces... *sigh* Braces when im 17- ahaa what a way for kids to make fun of me! I finally got my 2nd appt on the 18th October, I've been on the waiting list for way over a year now so finally after all this waiting the time has come! Right now my head is just thinking oh god oh god oh god... Im sure it'll be okay it's just my ortho obviously thinks I go to the dentist on a regular basis- Oh how wrong could she be! I avoided the dentist for a couple of years now, bad I know && very shameful but I can't help that I fear it- 1 in 10 people do so it's not as though im the only one! My heart is getting speedy just thinking about going.... But I gotta do this, I will do this!
Tomorrow I will make the appt preferably for this week to get it out of the way as quick as possible! I am such a wimp, baby whatever you want to call it- that's me! Please, wish me luck because my heart is pounding already!
Emma x
Musical Mondays.
Hello Beautiful Ones
I believe it's monday which can only mean another song of the week! So right now I cannot stop listening to the soundtrack from the fabulous musical that is Sweeney Todd- so much love for it! Since receiving the DVD it's way up there with my favorite movies ever, im just kinda annoyed because it skips so I need to send it back (boo me) but it'll be fine as long I have Helena && the soundtrack on hand- we all know how much I love Helena B-C!
Although I love all the songs one of my personal favorites is 'My Friends'... Aha I just love it, JD's voice just sounds so powerful while mixed in with the softness of Helena's voice- she may have the worse pies in London but these two together is a recipe worth taking note of!
I have to admit through throughout the movie when he puts the knife up to Helena's throat I got a *little* scared... I just have bare love for Helena so I would get worried, Im thinking now im gonna have to get an 'I <3 Helena' t-shirt because im just that much of a nerd!
Emma x
I believe it's monday which can only mean another song of the week! So right now I cannot stop listening to the soundtrack from the fabulous musical that is Sweeney Todd- so much love for it! Since receiving the DVD it's way up there with my favorite movies ever, im just kinda annoyed because it skips so I need to send it back (boo me) but it'll be fine as long I have Helena && the soundtrack on hand- we all know how much I love Helena B-C!
Although I love all the songs one of my personal favorites is 'My Friends'... Aha I just love it, JD's voice just sounds so powerful while mixed in with the softness of Helena's voice- she may have the worse pies in London but these two together is a recipe worth taking note of!
I have to admit through throughout the movie when he puts the knife up to Helena's throat I got a *little* scared... I just have bare love for Helena so I would get worried, Im thinking now im gonna have to get an 'I <3 Helena' t-shirt because im just that much of a nerd!
Emma x
Sunday 28 August 2011
It's An Aussie Miracle!
Evening Bloggers
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend, I hope all you Brits are enjoying the final bank holiday until Christmas && I hope all you Americans are staying safe from this hurricane, my thoughts are with you all!
The other week when I made it out into the town with my mum we bought some 'Aussie 3 Minute Miracle Reconstructor Deep Conditioner' as my sister requested! It was buy one and get one for 50p, so I managed to bag the second bottle of the stuff- my sister loves Aussie Miracle a lot so I thought it must be good! So today I gave it a whirl...
The first thing I noticed about it was the smell of the safflower seed oil it smelt so nice, it must be good right? This stuff was absolutely amazing it claims to 'mend split ends and repair roughened cuticles' && boy are the guys at Aussie Miracle right- my hair feels so nice and soft, it also looks incredibly shiny! As of course being a '3 minute miracle' I decided to push the boat out and leave it on for a good 10-15 minutes just so it can work it's way through my slightly damaged hair!
Im going to be adding this little beauty to my routine, every sunday is now making time for a deep condition which they say you should only do once a week! It'll also be very handy when the time comes to bleach my hair! They say chocolate is a girl's best friend; I say Aussie Miracle is a girl's best friend!
Emma x
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend, I hope all you Brits are enjoying the final bank holiday until Christmas && I hope all you Americans are staying safe from this hurricane, my thoughts are with you all!
The other week when I made it out into the town with my mum we bought some 'Aussie 3 Minute Miracle Reconstructor Deep Conditioner' as my sister requested! It was buy one and get one for 50p, so I managed to bag the second bottle of the stuff- my sister loves Aussie Miracle a lot so I thought it must be good! So today I gave it a whirl...
The first thing I noticed about it was the smell of the safflower seed oil it smelt so nice, it must be good right? This stuff was absolutely amazing it claims to 'mend split ends and repair roughened cuticles' && boy are the guys at Aussie Miracle right- my hair feels so nice and soft, it also looks incredibly shiny! As of course being a '3 minute miracle' I decided to push the boat out and leave it on for a good 10-15 minutes just so it can work it's way through my slightly damaged hair!
 |
| Such a cute bottle! I love flowers. |
 |
| It's the Reconstructor of the century! |
Emma x
Saturday 27 August 2011
Thoughts On My Mental State...
Evening Lovelies
Recently I haven't been able to stop thinking about how my mental illnesses has made an impact on my life, good and bad! Maybe it's because of my sister has gone to Reading and living life as an average teenager or maybe it's the fact that my therapy with E isn't going too bad at the moment... There are lots of things I could put it down to but I just can't stop thinking about it! I guess as i've been a fruit loop for a long time now- I am finally accepting the way I am?!
The Bad:
Recently I haven't been able to stop thinking about how my mental illnesses has made an impact on my life, good and bad! Maybe it's because of my sister has gone to Reading and living life as an average teenager or maybe it's the fact that my therapy with E isn't going too bad at the moment... There are lots of things I could put it down to but I just can't stop thinking about it! I guess as i've been a fruit loop for a long time now- I am finally accepting the way I am?!
The Bad:
- School/College- My problems started mid term in Year 9, everything was fine up until then- I had no problems at all with going into school. Normal. I missed an awful lot of school for half of year 9 which is the same story for the whole of Year 10... But Year 11 was different- I got taken out of school to be homeschooled due to the fact that school was not helping my mental health problems one bit as well as making me suicidal, so I got taken out! Great idea at the time but now, now I regret it majorly because I never took GCSE's so I had no qualifications par Science! My first year of College I was set to take Math && English... I had to drop them both! I still haven't got those basic qualifications...
- Meds- Im on two different types of meds- an antidepressant and an anti-psychotic, none of which I had no intention of being on! Im worried i'll be forever on medication!
- Friends- I've lost friends due to my social anxiety and only going out once in a blue moon! Communicating with my friends online can only hold up so much, there is more to socializing than doing it over the internet!! I've had a boyfriend dump me due to me being mentally ill... Discrimination?!
Okay im gonna stop talking about the bad stuff as it's making me feel low- onto all things rainbows and smiles!
The Good:
- Career- Having been in therapy since I was 14, it's made me realize what I really want to do with my life, to work with other teenagers and kids whom are suffering with mental illnesses! To be on the other side of the table, instead of being on the patient side! Although before I was unwell I knew I wanted a job helping people but now it's something I certainly want to do!
- Determination- Living with acute anxiety has certainly stopped me from participating in a lot of things but recently i've proved to myself that I can push through the anxiety and come out the other side emotionally unharmed! Getting my Photography results the other day has proved me that although it's very anxiety provoking to do certain things, I still put 100% into it!
- Hope- Since going to Summerhayes last week it has provided me with a lot more positivity for the future, although Im not at the point where I feel I will ever be able to recover- it has given me more hope that I had before I went!
- Giving- I've been a lot more giving since i've been unwell- suffering with mental health problems has altered my mindset, inside I don't feel 17- I feel a lot younger than that so I rely on my mum a lot more than other teenagers may do! Since everything there isn't a day that goes by where I don't appreciate what my mum does for me, everyday 24/7 she is there for me! They say being a parent is the hardest job ever, I can totally get that- I can't imagine the pain my mum must go through each day seeing me in so much emotional pain! I buy her gifts quite a lot- flowers, chocolate just to say 'thank you!'
- Letter Writing- Due to the fact that I don't go out it means I have a lot of time at home now im not one to sit in front of the TV all day (unless it's Gok) so what else am I meant to do with my time? I love writing letters, I mainly write to my friend A, but am looking for more people across the world to write to- it's such a good time user!
Emma x
Friday 26 August 2011
'opens the envelope' I GOT AN A*
A Very Good Evening To You All,
So yesterday was the big day for everyone receiving their GCSE results- which I was apart of as I didn't do exams in Year 11 due to being homeschooled (story for another day) Anyways, in my first year of College I was set to take English, Math, Media, IT and my beloved Photography... By March time this was a totally different story, I had to drop Media, Math and English due to all my anxiety && other mental health problems- I have a real hard time in getting to College and staying there... I managed to complete my IT course as it finished just before Christmas '10 and I managed to complete the Photography course, my mental illnesses took away everything else but I wouldn't let it take away my love for Photography- So I pushed through with tons of my mums help && guidance and managed to take and complete the 3 week exam! Lengthy I know, it was spread out over 3 weeks!!
Bad angle but you can clearly see the A*
So I went into College yesterday to pick up 'that' envelope... You know the one that 'determines your future' I opened it and to my absolute shock I had landed an A* in Photography!! I was happy and shocked all at the same time- it was an amazing feeling to know that I kicked anxiety's ass with a grade that was very much worth working hard for! Im so proud- as are my parents && CAMHS worker (: My parents are buying me some new shoes!
Emma x
So yesterday was the big day for everyone receiving their GCSE results- which I was apart of as I didn't do exams in Year 11 due to being homeschooled (story for another day) Anyways, in my first year of College I was set to take English, Math, Media, IT and my beloved Photography... By March time this was a totally different story, I had to drop Media, Math and English due to all my anxiety && other mental health problems- I have a real hard time in getting to College and staying there... I managed to complete my IT course as it finished just before Christmas '10 and I managed to complete the Photography course, my mental illnesses took away everything else but I wouldn't let it take away my love for Photography- So I pushed through with tons of my mums help && guidance and managed to take and complete the 3 week exam! Lengthy I know, it was spread out over 3 weeks!!
So I went into College yesterday to pick up 'that' envelope... You know the one that 'determines your future' I opened it and to my absolute shock I had landed an A* in Photography!! I was happy and shocked all at the same time- it was an amazing feeling to know that I kicked anxiety's ass with a grade that was very much worth working hard for! Im so proud- as are my parents && CAMHS worker (: My parents are buying me some new shoes!
Emma x
Thursday 25 August 2011
More Beautiful Things In Small Packages!
Hello Lovlies!
So I blogged yesterday about my fabulous Season 5 of Criminal Minds arriving in the post but today was a whole new story....Sweeney Todd arrived (: It took a whole 8 days for it too come, which was pretty poor but the main thing is, is that it has finally come so now I can get my Helena fix in a whole new way other than Harry Potter! I love musicals to this is gonna be a perfect movie for me, so tomorrow I shall be tucked up in bed watching Helena as some crazy (when is she not?!) deranged-bad-pie-maker, I can't wait!
Man Johnny Depp is so darn hot!
Scene that I cannot wait to see....
See even as a still Helena looks gorgeous, Im way to HBC obsessed- but you gotta love her! It's all rather exciting (I know I know i've said that already) certainly once i've seen Sweeney Todd I shall be heading over to the internet to purchase 'Alice in Wonderland' to see the beautiful Helena as a red-giant-headed-queen!!
"That's why her hair is so big... It's
full of secrets"- Daimien- Mean Girls.
Emma x
So I blogged yesterday about my fabulous Season 5 of Criminal Minds arriving in the post but today was a whole new story....Sweeney Todd arrived (: It took a whole 8 days for it too come, which was pretty poor but the main thing is, is that it has finally come so now I can get my Helena fix in a whole new way other than Harry Potter! I love musicals to this is gonna be a perfect movie for me, so tomorrow I shall be tucked up in bed watching Helena as some crazy (when is she not?!) deranged-bad-pie-maker, I can't wait!
See even as a still Helena looks gorgeous, Im way to HBC obsessed- but you gotta love her! It's all rather exciting (I know I know i've said that already) certainly once i've seen Sweeney Todd I shall be heading over to the internet to purchase 'Alice in Wonderland' to see the beautiful Helena as a red-giant-headed-queen!!
full of secrets"- Daimien- Mean Girls.
Emma x
Three Shrinks. One Day.
Evening Bloggers
So yesterday was a crazy busy day for me! It was pretty much a week of appointments put into one day, so you can imagine my stress level was pretty high!
In the morning I had my meet with S at Summerhayes in the next town along from where I live... It's a new service i've got into contact with it offers all sorts of courses and counseling etc, the meet with S and L went really well, it's made me feel a lot more confident about the rest of this year especially as I will be getting loads more help! So in September im going to be doing this WRAP (Wellbeing Recovery Action Plan) course with a small group of people, im not quite sure totally what it's about but L is sending me a info pack all about the course, as she runs it! After the course has finished I will be doing a Community Links Course with S which pretty much helps you in getting out into the world of work and just basically do what everyone else my age does- so that sounds especially good! The meet only last 40 minutes so it wasn't too long but what helped was that it was situated in a really relaxed atmosphere, I look forward to working with the service!
*1 and 1/2 Criminal Minds episodes later...*
In the afternoon I had my meet with my CAMHS worker as usual on a wednesday, it went well this time again! E was basically singing her praises to me in managing to take the Risperidone- which was actually really nice to hear someone out of the family say that they were proud of me!! It was quite a random session actually... talking about how I could re-arrange the counseling room to become my own little home. It's pretty funny because whenever I see E, there is always some kind of heavy vehicle outside making itself known to the world...I seem to be a massive magnet that attracts loud machinery, it's pretty funny... we just look at each other and laugh because it always happens!!
Last and not least I had my usual counseling call as I always do every wednesday at 5pm on the dot... Well that's a lie usually im a little late in ringing but R never minds! It went well but not as well as the previous two sessions earlier on in the day, I found it a little depressing towards the end as we were chatting about my best girlie- but it was okay I guess!
I can honestly say I don't think I have ever felt so tired after counseling, I mean chatting to three different people in one day is pretty heavy so I wasn't surprised that I felt so tired afterwards! Headache + tiredness really doesn't go well, thank gok I managed to sleep all through the night last night as usually the hunger-side-effects of the meds like to wake me up nice and early!
Emma x
So yesterday was a crazy busy day for me! It was pretty much a week of appointments put into one day, so you can imagine my stress level was pretty high!
In the morning I had my meet with S at Summerhayes in the next town along from where I live... It's a new service i've got into contact with it offers all sorts of courses and counseling etc, the meet with S and L went really well, it's made me feel a lot more confident about the rest of this year especially as I will be getting loads more help! So in September im going to be doing this WRAP (Wellbeing Recovery Action Plan) course with a small group of people, im not quite sure totally what it's about but L is sending me a info pack all about the course, as she runs it! After the course has finished I will be doing a Community Links Course with S which pretty much helps you in getting out into the world of work and just basically do what everyone else my age does- so that sounds especially good! The meet only last 40 minutes so it wasn't too long but what helped was that it was situated in a really relaxed atmosphere, I look forward to working with the service!
*1 and 1/2 Criminal Minds episodes later...*
In the afternoon I had my meet with my CAMHS worker as usual on a wednesday, it went well this time again! E was basically singing her praises to me in managing to take the Risperidone- which was actually really nice to hear someone out of the family say that they were proud of me!! It was quite a random session actually... talking about how I could re-arrange the counseling room to become my own little home. It's pretty funny because whenever I see E, there is always some kind of heavy vehicle outside making itself known to the world...I seem to be a massive magnet that attracts loud machinery, it's pretty funny... we just look at each other and laugh because it always happens!!
Last and not least I had my usual counseling call as I always do every wednesday at 5pm on the dot... Well that's a lie usually im a little late in ringing but R never minds! It went well but not as well as the previous two sessions earlier on in the day, I found it a little depressing towards the end as we were chatting about my best girlie- but it was okay I guess!
I can honestly say I don't think I have ever felt so tired after counseling, I mean chatting to three different people in one day is pretty heavy so I wasn't surprised that I felt so tired afterwards! Headache + tiredness really doesn't go well, thank gok I managed to sleep all through the night last night as usually the hunger-side-effects of the meds like to wake me up nice and early!
Emma x
Wednesday 24 August 2011
Beautiful Things Come In Small Packages!
Evening!
So today has been a really hard day, I've been out for the majority of the day which is hard in itself for me! When I got back from Summerhayes this morning, I came home to a lovely surprise waiting in my porch...
Maybe I should check with my mum if I should
watch or not...
The boxset collection so far! Season 2 && 5
As soon as I got in I just had to watch an episode of two I mean come on, who can resist a bit of the Reid?! As this day is CM day, I thought I would allow you into one of my Top 10 Criminal Minds moments!
JJ- Of course it's going to take some time to crack the... and you've already done it!
Garcia- Yup, the password was Cullen.
Reid- Colon?
JJ- Cullen! You know the main vampire family in the film Twilight?
Reid- What's Twilight?
JJ- Do you read anything other than technical books...?
Reid- Not in English.
One of the best moments there is! I absolutely cannot wait for Season 7 to air, rather shamefully I still haven't watched all of Season 6 due to College etc... So as soon as it come out on DVD I will be on Play.Com quicker than you can say unsub! Currently am wearing my CM T-shirt, I really want to get an 'I <3 Emily Prentiss' tee as well as a mugshot of Reid on a mug.
Emma x
So today has been a really hard day, I've been out for the majority of the day which is hard in itself for me! When I got back from Summerhayes this morning, I came home to a lovely surprise waiting in my porch...
My Beautiful Prentiss looking all serious!
watch or not...
As soon as I got in I just had to watch an episode of two I mean come on, who can resist a bit of the Reid?! As this day is CM day, I thought I would allow you into one of my Top 10 Criminal Minds moments!
JJ- Of course it's going to take some time to crack the... and you've already done it!
Garcia- Yup, the password was Cullen.
Reid- Colon?
JJ- Cullen! You know the main vampire family in the film Twilight?
Reid- What's Twilight?
JJ- Do you read anything other than technical books...?
Reid- Not in English.
One of the best moments there is! I absolutely cannot wait for Season 7 to air, rather shamefully I still haven't watched all of Season 6 due to College etc... So as soon as it come out on DVD I will be on Play.Com quicker than you can say unsub! Currently am wearing my CM T-shirt, I really want to get an 'I <3 Emily Prentiss' tee as well as a mugshot of Reid on a mug.
Emma x
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Awkward Situation...
A Very Good Evening To You All,
Wow have I got an embarrassing moment for you all that it'll make you run away cringing for your life! I can tell you now it must have been in my Top 5 moments of awkward things for sure, I just wanted the ground to magically create a hole so I could go hide in it until the appt was over! Now you are no doubt wondering what this oh-so-awkward-moment is, well I shall show you! I got this from the questionnaire that my physiatrist gave to me the other week... You'll have to excuse the fact that the photo is the wrong way round, my phone was being a loser this afternoon! Look at Question 18!
Yes I am having trouble enjoying sex!
So yes, number 18- what an embarrassing thing to speak about with someone who I don't like at all that much! This awkward conversation happened at the appt with my physiatrist where he took an hour to come, I was simply asking him about side effects of the meds very innocently then... BAM! He springs *that* subject onto me, I mean that happens when a woman has a baby not when someone is 17 years of age with no intention of having a child for a very long time!! *shudders* Ergh it's not a moment that I ever ever want to repeat thank you very much!
Emma x
Wow have I got an embarrassing moment for you all that it'll make you run away cringing for your life! I can tell you now it must have been in my Top 5 moments of awkward things for sure, I just wanted the ground to magically create a hole so I could go hide in it until the appt was over! Now you are no doubt wondering what this oh-so-awkward-moment is, well I shall show you! I got this from the questionnaire that my physiatrist gave to me the other week... You'll have to excuse the fact that the photo is the wrong way round, my phone was being a loser this afternoon! Look at Question 18!
So yes, number 18- what an embarrassing thing to speak about with someone who I don't like at all that much! This awkward conversation happened at the appt with my physiatrist where he took an hour to come, I was simply asking him about side effects of the meds very innocently then... BAM! He springs *that* subject onto me, I mean that happens when a woman has a baby not when someone is 17 years of age with no intention of having a child for a very long time!! *shudders* Ergh it's not a moment that I ever ever want to repeat thank you very much!
Emma x
NOTD: RAWR
Evening Followers Of This Blog.
So as usual on a tuesday afternoon I do my nail art with the cast of Criminal Minds, today was so much more exciting though cuz yesterday my mum picked up a 'Models Own Nail Art Pen' in black so today was my first time usage! I decided I wanted to do different on each hand, so on my left hand I have the random LOL && POW nails whereas on the right hand I have tiger stripes, which I can tell you now- I am loving!! You'll have to excuse the rather shaken photos- these meds seem to make me shaky!
RAAAAWWWRRR!!
OMM. POW. LOL. HA!
What I Used:
- Barry M Mint Green
- Barry M Mushroom
- Barry M Coral
- Barry M Bright Green
- Barry M Lemon Ice Cream
- Barry M Blueberry Ice Cream
- BeautyUK Clear
- Models Own Nail Art Pen
Ha! I just love them- they make me smile (: I am certainly loving the nail art pen especially the Tiger stripes, I think they have come out really well! Struggling as to how to use the tip end of the nail art pen but im sure i'll get there once i've worked it out! As you can see im rather a Barry M addict, it's my favorite nail varnish there is... I mean come on, im a student I don't have loads of dollars to shell out on nail varnish!
Emma x
So as usual on a tuesday afternoon I do my nail art with the cast of Criminal Minds, today was so much more exciting though cuz yesterday my mum picked up a 'Models Own Nail Art Pen' in black so today was my first time usage! I decided I wanted to do different on each hand, so on my left hand I have the random LOL && POW nails whereas on the right hand I have tiger stripes, which I can tell you now- I am loving!! You'll have to excuse the rather shaken photos- these meds seem to make me shaky!
What I Used:
- Barry M Mint Green
- Barry M Mushroom
- Barry M Coral
- Barry M Bright Green
- Barry M Lemon Ice Cream
- Barry M Blueberry Ice Cream
- BeautyUK Clear
- Models Own Nail Art Pen
Ha! I just love them- they make me smile (: I am certainly loving the nail art pen especially the Tiger stripes, I think they have come out really well! Struggling as to how to use the tip end of the nail art pen but im sure i'll get there once i've worked it out! As you can see im rather a Barry M addict, it's my favorite nail varnish there is... I mean come on, im a student I don't have loads of dollars to shell out on nail varnish!
Emma x
Monday 22 August 2011
Goal Of The Week!
Good Evening Lovelies
I can't actually believe how fast this month is going before I know it i'll be well into my second year at College! So it's a brand new week which means a brand new 'Goal Of The Week'. The previous challenge that I had last week was the absolute hardest, although I find going out socializing incredibly hard- the meds took the top prize for sure! You really cannot imagine how hard that was for me to put that Risperidone liquid into my mouth... Took me at least 5-6 months, but I got there in the end no matter how long it took!
So my goal for this week, well I have an extremely busy two days this week- wednesday and thursday! On wednesday I am meeting my new therapist, then afterwards im going to see my CAMHS worker then later on I have my counseling call- busy huh! On thursday I am picking up my Photography GCSE result (I didn't do GCSE's in Year 11, another story; another day) with my bestest and then afterwards I have family therapy!
I guess really my main goal for this week is to actually attend all of those things, but then again I feel my goal of the week should be centered around meeting up with Sasi && going into College to pick up the results... It's gonna be hard but im desperate to see Sas again, as it's been a couple of weeks since! So I guess folks, thats my goal of the week to meet my lovely Sasi at College and get our exam results!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
I can't actually believe how fast this month is going before I know it i'll be well into my second year at College! So it's a brand new week which means a brand new 'Goal Of The Week'. The previous challenge that I had last week was the absolute hardest, although I find going out socializing incredibly hard- the meds took the top prize for sure! You really cannot imagine how hard that was for me to put that Risperidone liquid into my mouth... Took me at least 5-6 months, but I got there in the end no matter how long it took!
So my goal for this week, well I have an extremely busy two days this week- wednesday and thursday! On wednesday I am meeting my new therapist, then afterwards im going to see my CAMHS worker then later on I have my counseling call- busy huh! On thursday I am picking up my Photography GCSE result (I didn't do GCSE's in Year 11, another story; another day) with my bestest and then afterwards I have family therapy!
I guess really my main goal for this week is to actually attend all of those things, but then again I feel my goal of the week should be centered around meeting up with Sasi && going into College to pick up the results... It's gonna be hard but im desperate to see Sas again, as it's been a couple of weeks since! So I guess folks, thats my goal of the week to meet my lovely Sasi at College and get our exam results!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
Musical Mondays.
Evening Darling's
Hope every is having a happy Monday so far!
So this weeks Musical Monday is a good ol' favorite of mine, it's a band that my lovely sister introduced me to a few months back- what's the band I hear you say? The one and only Two Door Cinema Club, they are an Indie Rock band from Northern Ireland- the song im particularly raving about is "Something Good Can Work" I absolutely love this song so much, it just makes me smile when I hear it especially the intro music! It's certainly a feel good song! It's definitely a song for those long car journeys, where it's hot and bored- just put this little number on and all your stresses will melt away!
I suggest you go and head to Youtube now if you haven't already listened to Two Door... already! I can assure you that you won't be disappointed if your into the Indie music scene!
Emma x
Hope every is having a happy Monday so far!
So this weeks Musical Monday is a good ol' favorite of mine, it's a band that my lovely sister introduced me to a few months back- what's the band I hear you say? The one and only Two Door Cinema Club, they are an Indie Rock band from Northern Ireland- the song im particularly raving about is "Something Good Can Work" I absolutely love this song so much, it just makes me smile when I hear it especially the intro music! It's certainly a feel good song! It's definitely a song for those long car journeys, where it's hot and bored- just put this little number on and all your stresses will melt away!
I suggest you go and head to Youtube now if you haven't already listened to Two Door... already! I can assure you that you won't be disappointed if your into the Indie music scene!
Emma x
Sunday 21 August 2011
Happy Prozac-aversary!
Good Evening Lovely People!I believe it's the 21st August today... This can only mean one thing- i've been on Prozac for a whole entire year! Gosh this year has just gone super fast! I remember the morning this time last year I was sat on the sofa, hands shaking, contemplating weather or not to down the medicine spoon on Prozac liquid or to just sip it. I remember the worrying thoughts in my head were so loud that I couldn't even hear what Gok was saying on HTLGN! The moment I swallowed that first spoonful of liquid, I knew it would be the start of the road to recovery... How wrong was I?! Sadly, the anti-depressant didn't do much good at all apart from a little less anxiety but no major help with the depression or OCD/eating problems but I persevered with it! Because it has such a long half-life it took around 6-8 weeks before I noticed the meds working, I didn't realize at the time it would take *that* long seeing as my physiatrist said it would take around a month to work! The first week I was high on and off (side effect) which was a rather interesting experience if not a scary one, all side effects wore off after two weeks. To this day I am still on Prozac although it doesn't have any major effects on my mental health, I like to think it helps a little!
So much has happened in that year, i've loved and lost a very special person, completed my first year of college but only just by the skin of my teeth (close call), managed to finally take a new medication which will hopefully help me OCD wise && more importantly get me through my second year of College and on top of all that getting a new therapist in the service which I've been with for nearly four years! That might not sound like a lot of things to one person, but in my world it's an awful lot! I was extremely taken back and affected when my best girl left, months of tears and upset, the nagging pain inside that I just wanted her back... I cannot help but think about her everyday, but I know in my heart that she hasn't forgotten about me!
Don't get me wrong though, it's not all bad! I've met some wonderful new friends at College, one of which I am planning a trip to America with early next year! I've proved how much of a determined person I am in battling through the days of not wanting to go to College as well as the many times when I almost quit due to the anxiety of being in College... I've met the gorgeous Gok Wan twice as well as the gorgeous Brix Smith-Start with a fabulous girl whom I met on Twitter && now we are penpals together, forever- I wouldn't know what to do without her!
Here's to another year on Prozac *cheers*
Emma x
NOTD: Starry Eyed.
Good Afternoon!
So as a person who suffers with acute anxiety (which I can tell you now it's no walk in the park) it always seems to be worse during the evening/night time && sometimes magazines just don't cut it for me, so now every saturday night I do my midnight mani, last night I used my two new nail polishes that my mum bought me for my massive achievement!
Left hand
Blue Moons && Bright Pink
Right hand
What I Used:
-Barry M "Blue Moon"
-Barry M "Bright Pink"
-BeautyUK "Clear"
-Cocktail Sticks
It's been an absolute lifetime since i've used stars on my nails- I used to use them when I was little but I would no doubt end up picking them off but I actually really like them on this mani- they look so cute! I love the Barbie pink look of the nail polish, such a pretty color! The blue took two coats of polish whereas the pink only took 1! Certainly going to do this mani again (:
Emma x
So as a person who suffers with acute anxiety (which I can tell you now it's no walk in the park) it always seems to be worse during the evening/night time && sometimes magazines just don't cut it for me, so now every saturday night I do my midnight mani, last night I used my two new nail polishes that my mum bought me for my massive achievement!
What I Used:
-Barry M "Blue Moon"
-Barry M "Bright Pink"
-BeautyUK "Clear"
-Cocktail Sticks
It's been an absolute lifetime since i've used stars on my nails- I used to use them when I was little but I would no doubt end up picking them off but I actually really like them on this mani- they look so cute! I love the Barbie pink look of the nail polish, such a pretty color! The blue took two coats of polish whereas the pink only took 1! Certainly going to do this mani again (:
Emma x
Saturday 20 August 2011
Bright Pinks && Blue Moons.
Good Evening!
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend so far (:
m very much now into the 4th day of being on my new meds, Risperidone! Another day, another side effect- my legs have ached so much today that it's not even funny also their making me a lot more thirsty than usual! But both ailments I can handle just fine, im just not a massive fan of the intense tiredness! Anyways, as a little "well done" my mum bought me a gift for succeeding in taking the meds && for the fact that I have been out a couple of times over the past two weeks, very proud mommy!
Blue Moon and Bright Pink
I swear im addicted to Barry M nail paint!
I love it when my mum buys me little gifts for when I achieve something as big as taking my new medication, I don't feel at all silly for taking so long to take the meds, I cannot be pushed or forced into this kind of thing- it's a massive step for me and I chose to take that step in my own, good time!
Emma x
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend so far (:
m very much now into the 4th day of being on my new meds, Risperidone! Another day, another side effect- my legs have ached so much today that it's not even funny also their making me a lot more thirsty than usual! But both ailments I can handle just fine, im just not a massive fan of the intense tiredness! Anyways, as a little "well done" my mum bought me a gift for succeeding in taking the meds && for the fact that I have been out a couple of times over the past two weeks, very proud mommy!
I love it when my mum buys me little gifts for when I achieve something as big as taking my new medication, I don't feel at all silly for taking so long to take the meds, I cannot be pushed or forced into this kind of thing- it's a massive step for me and I chose to take that step in my own, good time!
Emma x
Friday 19 August 2011
Forever 21!
Evening You Lovely Bunch of People!
Currently am trying to find a part-time/saturday job but well it's not looking very hopeful at the moment as the majority of decent jobs are situated in the city of Brighton, so it's not looking too rosy right now, so what better to do than a little session of internet shopping (always hits the spot) so as a lover of all these American, i've come across this little beauty of a website, of course it's famous in America but in England not so much- think New Look but in the country of Obama!
Adorable little Hello Kitty pullover
Im just a sucker for plaid shirts
Fell in love with these heels soon as!
I love the contrasting on this dress
as part of the "Linear Composition"
Simple yet oh so cute!
This is pretty much what I do in my spare time, shop online for clothes although the majority of times I don't actually buy anything, there is no harm in shopping around! I just got called a "typical girl" for looking at clothes online- I mean come on it's what we do right?! I actually think internet shopping is so much more exciting than actually going out, you search all you like online, order it then get that e-mail that your purchases have been dispatched && then you actually receive your items and open up the packaging- it's all so fun but maybe this is just my anxiety talking seeing as I rarely go shopping outside!
Emma x
Currently am trying to find a part-time/saturday job but well it's not looking very hopeful at the moment as the majority of decent jobs are situated in the city of Brighton, so it's not looking too rosy right now, so what better to do than a little session of internet shopping (always hits the spot) so as a lover of all these American, i've come across this little beauty of a website, of course it's famous in America but in England not so much- think New Look but in the country of Obama!
as part of the "Linear Composition"
This is pretty much what I do in my spare time, shop online for clothes although the majority of times I don't actually buy anything, there is no harm in shopping around! I just got called a "typical girl" for looking at clothes online- I mean come on it's what we do right?! I actually think internet shopping is so much more exciting than actually going out, you search all you like online, order it then get that e-mail that your purchases have been dispatched && then you actually receive your items and open up the packaging- it's all so fun but maybe this is just my anxiety talking seeing as I rarely go shopping outside!
Emma x
*Shoves questionnaires in my face....*
Evening Lovelies!
So today I had a very fun time seeing my physiatrist with the parents... (sarcasm?!) this morning, it actually to my surprise went alright seeing as I have actually started the meds he wasn't going on about how they will help etc... So it's all good on the physiatry front!
Anyways, at least this time I didn't have to wait a whole freakin' hour for Mr F to come- my dad assured me that we would not wait an hour!! Before we even got into his office he shoves a massively long questionnaire in my face, demanding that I fill it out! It was rather boring, about side effects && Bristol... Hello? I don't even live in Bristol so it was rather odd, anyways I couldn't even fill it out as I haven't even been on the meds for a week yet- so he shall have to wait! Finally he got what he ultimately wanted for me to take the Risperidone, I laugh at the fact that I got the meds prescribed to me in march yet I've only just started it... that's medication anxiety for you, but the main thing is at the end of the day is that i've started them!
So the appt with Mr F went alright thank god, apart from the bad news that I gotta get *another* health-check... more needles for me! Oh the joy is rippling right through me... I've also found out what service im going to be with after I turn 18 and leave CAMHS so that's good that I know the future plan!
Have a lovely weekend everyone!
Emma x
So today I had a very fun time seeing my physiatrist with the parents... (sarcasm?!) this morning, it actually to my surprise went alright seeing as I have actually started the meds he wasn't going on about how they will help etc... So it's all good on the physiatry front!
Anyways, at least this time I didn't have to wait a whole freakin' hour for Mr F to come- my dad assured me that we would not wait an hour!! Before we even got into his office he shoves a massively long questionnaire in my face, demanding that I fill it out! It was rather boring, about side effects && Bristol... Hello? I don't even live in Bristol so it was rather odd, anyways I couldn't even fill it out as I haven't even been on the meds for a week yet- so he shall have to wait! Finally he got what he ultimately wanted for me to take the Risperidone, I laugh at the fact that I got the meds prescribed to me in march yet I've only just started it... that's medication anxiety for you, but the main thing is at the end of the day is that i've started them!
So the appt with Mr F went alright thank god, apart from the bad news that I gotta get *another* health-check... more needles for me! Oh the joy is rippling right through me... I've also found out what service im going to be with after I turn 18 and leave CAMHS so that's good that I know the future plan!
Have a lovely weekend everyone!
Emma x
Thursday 18 August 2011
Day Two- Risperidone
Good Evening Everyone!
So today is my second day of being on the anti-psychotic drug, Risperidone! So this morning I woke up with a headache, oh the joy but it certainly wasn't enough to put me of that fabulous bowl of Lucky Charms cereal! The meds also make me feel pretty drowsy, so I ended up having a nap before lunch which actually helped make the headache go away. My day has been filled with Criminal Minds, letter writing to my beauts in Cali and Bridget Jones... along with my pondering mind wondering why my mum was baking a cake with Zucchini in! Surprisingly it smells kinda nice, but I don't think i'll be trying it though- not my taste! Speaking of taste, as I said yesterday the Risperidone tastes like a humungous-bitter-tasting-overload well I put it in OJ and you can't taste it at all- Score!
In a couple of days time it'll mark the year anniversary of me being on Prozac!
Emma x
So today is my second day of being on the anti-psychotic drug, Risperidone! So this morning I woke up with a headache, oh the joy but it certainly wasn't enough to put me of that fabulous bowl of Lucky Charms cereal! The meds also make me feel pretty drowsy, so I ended up having a nap before lunch which actually helped make the headache go away. My day has been filled with Criminal Minds, letter writing to my beauts in Cali and Bridget Jones... along with my pondering mind wondering why my mum was baking a cake with Zucchini in! Surprisingly it smells kinda nice, but I don't think i'll be trying it though- not my taste! Speaking of taste, as I said yesterday the Risperidone tastes like a humungous-bitter-tasting-overload well I put it in OJ and you can't taste it at all- Score!
In a couple of days time it'll mark the year anniversary of me being on Prozac!
Emma x
Wednesday 17 August 2011
Hooray For America!
Evening Lovelies!
Earlier on this evening I came downstairs to a lovely gift from my daddy, he knows me all too well! My lovely gift you ask? None other than the best cereal ever- Lucky Charms! I always wonder why is it that the Americans get the best cereal... Thank god for the Cybercandy shop in Brighton!
Im certainly going to be eating good tomorrow morning that's for sure! God I haven't eaten LC's for months, it's a crime! I've been nagging my dad to get a box for me, so I was totally surprised to see them in the kitchen this evening! Who wouldn't want Lucky Charms, I mean there are whole-grain guaranteed!
So as part of me taking my new meds (any excuse for retail therapy) i've just ordered the fabulous 5th season DVD of Criminal Minds, I am also yearning to get a CM poster... But it seems as though you can only buy them in frames on Amazon. Anyway, at least I get my Emily Prentiss fix which is what I am needing right now!
The gorgeous girls of Criminal Minds
And finally, I couldn't be more calmer than a good ol' movie session with my gorgeous Helena Bonham Carter, so seeing as im pushing the boat out i've also purchased "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street". I very much cannot wait to see Helena play Mrs. Lovett in this film, people are warning me as it's pretty scary... but I mean when is Helena not scary!
Don't they make such an adorable couple...
I should think after that spending spree that my shrink will be feeling rather pleased! I think I deserve it though after all the leaps and bounds I've come through this past month!
Emma x
Earlier on this evening I came downstairs to a lovely gift from my daddy, he knows me all too well! My lovely gift you ask? None other than the best cereal ever- Lucky Charms! I always wonder why is it that the Americans get the best cereal... Thank god for the Cybercandy shop in Brighton!
So as part of me taking my new meds (any excuse for retail therapy) i've just ordered the fabulous 5th season DVD of Criminal Minds, I am also yearning to get a CM poster... But it seems as though you can only buy them in frames on Amazon. Anyway, at least I get my Emily Prentiss fix which is what I am needing right now!
And finally, I couldn't be more calmer than a good ol' movie session with my gorgeous Helena Bonham Carter, so seeing as im pushing the boat out i've also purchased "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street". I very much cannot wait to see Helena play Mrs. Lovett in this film, people are warning me as it's pretty scary... but I mean when is Helena not scary!
I should think after that spending spree that my shrink will be feeling rather pleased! I think I deserve it though after all the leaps and bounds I've come through this past month!
Emma x
Welcome to my body Risperidone...
Evening Bloggers!
So today I had my appt with my CAMHS worker this morning, again as usual feeling a little anxious but it went well- not as good as some sessions I've had with her but it wasn't terrible, so that's the main thing I guess! Basically for the first 15 minutes with her I was pretty much raving about how good Harry Potter was last week, she was so stoked that I managed to get myself to the cinema to see the movie- as am I still! The main thing I really wanted to discuss in the appt today was about the meds, the infamous Risperidone that my physiatrist loves to talk about- which is a very hard thing for me to discuss!
Risperidone is an atypical anti-psychotic drug which is licensed to treat schizophrenia and Bi-polar Disorder, none of those I suffer with (thankfully) but it's also used to treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is one of the illnesses that I do suffer with- so that's purely why my physiatrist prescribed it to me!
Me && my shrink came up with a plan of when and how to take the Risperidone, at a point in the day when I feel relaxed and calm while distracting myself in watching Criminal Minds! We also came up with a "reward system" so once I start the meds, I get myself something nice... E.g- the 5th season of Criminal Minds which I haven't seen much of!
So today after lunch I tried out the Risperidone, anyone that knows me will know that what I have done is a major thing for me! I was originally given the Risperidone in March, but due to all my anxiety around taking meds it's taken me around 6 months to actually take it! So anyways, I tired it... Woah incredibly bitter tasting- im talking instant-tongue-drying-power here! Basically im following the rules that my best girlie taught me, in building up the dosage so the first couple days you do the finger dip then you build it up to the desired dosage! I actually cannot believe I did it...
So from now on these are my little-keep-me-sane-babies sat together forever! I just hope that the Risperidone will help me more than the Prozac has, i've been on Prozac for a year now && there hasn't been much difference at all, so let's hope the Risperidone has a better effect over me! I just hope that im not on Risperidone for years because the effect it has on people isn't pretty.... I've got my appt with my physiatrist on Friday!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
So today I had my appt with my CAMHS worker this morning, again as usual feeling a little anxious but it went well- not as good as some sessions I've had with her but it wasn't terrible, so that's the main thing I guess! Basically for the first 15 minutes with her I was pretty much raving about how good Harry Potter was last week, she was so stoked that I managed to get myself to the cinema to see the movie- as am I still! The main thing I really wanted to discuss in the appt today was about the meds, the infamous Risperidone that my physiatrist loves to talk about- which is a very hard thing for me to discuss!
Risperidone is an atypical anti-psychotic drug which is licensed to treat schizophrenia and Bi-polar Disorder, none of those I suffer with (thankfully) but it's also used to treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is one of the illnesses that I do suffer with- so that's purely why my physiatrist prescribed it to me!
Me && my shrink came up with a plan of when and how to take the Risperidone, at a point in the day when I feel relaxed and calm while distracting myself in watching Criminal Minds! We also came up with a "reward system" so once I start the meds, I get myself something nice... E.g- the 5th season of Criminal Minds which I haven't seen much of!
So today after lunch I tried out the Risperidone, anyone that knows me will know that what I have done is a major thing for me! I was originally given the Risperidone in March, but due to all my anxiety around taking meds it's taken me around 6 months to actually take it! So anyways, I tired it... Woah incredibly bitter tasting- im talking instant-tongue-drying-power here! Basically im following the rules that my best girlie taught me, in building up the dosage so the first couple days you do the finger dip then you build it up to the desired dosage! I actually cannot believe I did it...
So from now on these are my little-keep-me-sane-babies sat together forever! I just hope that the Risperidone will help me more than the Prozac has, i've been on Prozac for a year now && there hasn't been much difference at all, so let's hope the Risperidone has a better effect over me! I just hope that im not on Risperidone for years because the effect it has on people isn't pretty.... I've got my appt with my physiatrist on Friday!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
Tuesday 16 August 2011
NOTD: You Crack Me Up!
Good Evening Lovelies!
I believe it's tuesday- my nail loving afternoon watching Criminal Minds && painting my nails, my two loves put together into one afternoon! So my original plan for today's mani was to do the marble effect nail art, but well... It didn't go quite as planned! Although it is swirly and marbled, it just doesn't look "right" so I skipped out in doing it on the other hand && decided to crackle my nails up! I decided against photographing my marbled nails purely because it'll put shame upon my already lovely blog!
What I used:
- Barry M Blueberry Ice Cream
- Barry M Coral
- Barry M Lemon Ice Cream
- Barry M Mint Green
- Barry M Mushroom
- Barry M Nail Effects in Black
- BeautyUK Clear
You'll have to excuse the upside down photos- my brain isn't really with it today... I think it's because im anxious about tomorrow's meet with my therapist && the discussion of the meds + the letter I gave her! If tomorrow could never come.... Fine by me!
Emma x
I believe it's tuesday- my nail loving afternoon watching Criminal Minds && painting my nails, my two loves put together into one afternoon! So my original plan for today's mani was to do the marble effect nail art, but well... It didn't go quite as planned! Although it is swirly and marbled, it just doesn't look "right" so I skipped out in doing it on the other hand && decided to crackle my nails up! I decided against photographing my marbled nails purely because it'll put shame upon my already lovely blog!
What I used:
- Barry M Blueberry Ice Cream
- Barry M Coral
- Barry M Lemon Ice Cream
- Barry M Mint Green
- Barry M Mushroom
- Barry M Nail Effects in Black
- BeautyUK Clear
You'll have to excuse the upside down photos- my brain isn't really with it today... I think it's because im anxious about tomorrow's meet with my therapist && the discussion of the meds + the letter I gave her! If tomorrow could never come.... Fine by me!
Emma x
Monday 15 August 2011
Goal Of The Week!
Evening (:
A new week, a new goal of the week!! So going to the cinema was a very successful trip last week, I don't know what got me through (no doubt my love for Helena) but I did- I even want to see the film all over again! So here we go for goal number 3, to be honest I actually haven't got anything lined up for this week... *shameful* Everyone needs a break right?
I mean there are things I can think of that I should probably do... hardly exciting but life never always is! *sigh* well I need to put all my money in the bank, make a dentist appt -which I shall say i've avoided for the past couple of years (ew!) because of my bad-ass phobia of going but seeing as im gonna get braces, I guess I should go!! My friend said she'll come (i'll need a hand to break) for moral support and all!
Then there is the money front... I really should get a job! Me and my best girlie had this conversation before about getting a job while dealing with acute anxiety! She was saying about getting a part time job or a weekend job, I mean heck yeah I can't deal with a 9-5 job each and everyday! Small steps as everyone says... So I guess I should go round and look for a little job, that would certainly be a massive step for me in getting and actually holding down a job, this is coming from the person who struggled in a job during work experience at school! I know it's not very interesting but my ideal job would be in telesales purely because 1. your not dealing with clients face to face which I wouldn't be confident at && 2. I am confident in talking over the phone! So *although boring* it would be my perfect job... as long as I took my anti-bac with me!
Above all that there is one major factor of this week that needs an awful lot of discussion and thought over before I do anything... Medication! Now im already on meds for my depression (High-5 to the Prozac) but my physiatrist - yes the one who turned up an hour late- wants me to go on an anti-psychotic specifically to help with my OCD! Although Risperidone is purely meant for Bipolar and Schizophrenia- none of which I have thankfully but *apparently* it's meant to also help sufferers of obsessive compulsive disorder! For me to actually take meds is an incredibly hard step, it took me months to actually put the Prozac in my mouth, coming to think of it i've pretty much been on Prozac for a year- wow! My physiatrist prescribed me the Risperidone back in March and well.. long story short i've yet to take it due to my anxiety in taking meds! So basically "D-Day" is on wednesday when I see my therapist && i'll discuss my anxieties with her about it and then if I feel confident enough, I'll take it that afternoon!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
A new week, a new goal of the week!! So going to the cinema was a very successful trip last week, I don't know what got me through (no doubt my love for Helena) but I did- I even want to see the film all over again! So here we go for goal number 3, to be honest I actually haven't got anything lined up for this week... *shameful* Everyone needs a break right?
I mean there are things I can think of that I should probably do... hardly exciting but life never always is! *sigh* well I need to put all my money in the bank, make a dentist appt -which I shall say i've avoided for the past couple of years (ew!) because of my bad-ass phobia of going but seeing as im gonna get braces, I guess I should go!! My friend said she'll come (i'll need a hand to break) for moral support and all!
Then there is the money front... I really should get a job! Me and my best girlie had this conversation before about getting a job while dealing with acute anxiety! She was saying about getting a part time job or a weekend job, I mean heck yeah I can't deal with a 9-5 job each and everyday! Small steps as everyone says... So I guess I should go round and look for a little job, that would certainly be a massive step for me in getting and actually holding down a job, this is coming from the person who struggled in a job during work experience at school! I know it's not very interesting but my ideal job would be in telesales purely because 1. your not dealing with clients face to face which I wouldn't be confident at && 2. I am confident in talking over the phone! So *although boring* it would be my perfect job... as long as I took my anti-bac with me!
Above all that there is one major factor of this week that needs an awful lot of discussion and thought over before I do anything... Medication! Now im already on meds for my depression (High-5 to the Prozac) but my physiatrist - yes the one who turned up an hour late- wants me to go on an anti-psychotic specifically to help with my OCD! Although Risperidone is purely meant for Bipolar and Schizophrenia- none of which I have thankfully but *apparently* it's meant to also help sufferers of obsessive compulsive disorder! For me to actually take meds is an incredibly hard step, it took me months to actually put the Prozac in my mouth, coming to think of it i've pretty much been on Prozac for a year- wow! My physiatrist prescribed me the Risperidone back in March and well.. long story short i've yet to take it due to my anxiety in taking meds! So basically "D-Day" is on wednesday when I see my therapist && i'll discuss my anxieties with her about it and then if I feel confident enough, I'll take it that afternoon!
Wish me luck!
Emma x
Musical Mondays.
Good Evening People of The Blogging World!
So im bringing it back to my birth place for this song of the week... BRIGHTON BABY && that can only mean Rizzle Kicks - Down with The Trumpets. I first heard about this duo when my sister was raving about them one morning, and then I hear this song on the radio && bam! I instantly liked it as it's not your average pop type tune! Their now working on their current album with a mix of pop and hip-hop, I'll certainly be on the look out for that when it hits iTunes! You can also catch Rizzle Kicks at Reading this year, which I have to say im pretty jealous of my sister about purely because she is raving it up at Reading this year!!
I mean how can you not like this song, part of it has been filmed on Brighton beach! So for all of you who haven't yet listened/heard of Rizzle Kicks... I suggest you get on Youtube now!
Emma x
So im bringing it back to my birth place for this song of the week... BRIGHTON BABY && that can only mean Rizzle Kicks - Down with The Trumpets. I first heard about this duo when my sister was raving about them one morning, and then I hear this song on the radio && bam! I instantly liked it as it's not your average pop type tune! Their now working on their current album with a mix of pop and hip-hop, I'll certainly be on the look out for that when it hits iTunes! You can also catch Rizzle Kicks at Reading this year, which I have to say im pretty jealous of my sister about purely because she is raving it up at Reading this year!!
I mean how can you not like this song, part of it has been filmed on Brighton beach! So for all of you who haven't yet listened/heard of Rizzle Kicks... I suggest you get on Youtube now!
Emma x
Sunday 14 August 2011
If you don't go out? What DO you do....
Evening Everyone!
I never thought about this in remote detail but I don't go out often as we all know... so what do I do with my days spent indoors? Not much that's for sure, my life is rather boring compared to my sister's that's for sure, but in saying that I am in a very different situation to my sister! So really all my day consists of is sleeping, watching TV (Criminal Minds, of-course) painting my nails, watching films && writing!
I've gotten very much into writing these days which consists of writing letters to my friend A, as well as writing in my little book- it's a therapy thing to pretty much record how I feel etc... I won't bore you with the in's and out's of therapy writing! I am very much into letter writing with my friend A who (like me) has a pure love for Gok Wan! It's funny really because we met as Twitter followers through our love of GW... After months of chatting on Twitter, we swapped FB's and numbers and spoke that way, of-course the love of Gok never runs smoothly through texting so we met up in the city to go see the filming of Gok's Clothes Roadshow- it was truly an awesome day out! I had the idea a couple of weeks after to write to A to thank her for a lovely day out (this was the first time I had met her in real life, rather than the virtual world) && the rest is history! We now write each other letters all the time, including photos and little gifts... It really cheers me up as well as giving me a well needed distraction from how I am feeling inside!
It's just something about letter writing that I find very heart-warming, the fact that you && the sender are taking time to put pen to paper rather than emailing, it just seems so much more personal plus the letters I've received are little treasures that i'll keep forever! I cannot thank A enough for being there for me since we have known each other, she means the absolute world to me... I don't know what I would do without her!
Emma x
I never thought about this in remote detail but I don't go out often as we all know... so what do I do with my days spent indoors? Not much that's for sure, my life is rather boring compared to my sister's that's for sure, but in saying that I am in a very different situation to my sister! So really all my day consists of is sleeping, watching TV (Criminal Minds, of-course) painting my nails, watching films && writing!
I've gotten very much into writing these days which consists of writing letters to my friend A, as well as writing in my little book- it's a therapy thing to pretty much record how I feel etc... I won't bore you with the in's and out's of therapy writing! I am very much into letter writing with my friend A who (like me) has a pure love for Gok Wan! It's funny really because we met as Twitter followers through our love of GW... After months of chatting on Twitter, we swapped FB's and numbers and spoke that way, of-course the love of Gok never runs smoothly through texting so we met up in the city to go see the filming of Gok's Clothes Roadshow- it was truly an awesome day out! I had the idea a couple of weeks after to write to A to thank her for a lovely day out (this was the first time I had met her in real life, rather than the virtual world) && the rest is history! We now write each other letters all the time, including photos and little gifts... It really cheers me up as well as giving me a well needed distraction from how I am feeling inside!
It's just something about letter writing that I find very heart-warming, the fact that you && the sender are taking time to put pen to paper rather than emailing, it just seems so much more personal plus the letters I've received are little treasures that i'll keep forever! I cannot thank A enough for being there for me since we have known each other, she means the absolute world to me... I don't know what I would do without her!
Emma x
Saturday 13 August 2011
Swim. Cycle. Run.
Evening Bloggers
I hope everyone is having a nice relaxing weekend... How many of you were at Brighton Pride?
So i've had a very different day today, which hasn't been easy as I don't really go out apart from when I have my "goal of the week" I only like going out at night, kinda pointless right? Anyways, my brother took part in the Triathlon today in my town && of course the family were all coming to watch && support him! It was especially hard being out from around 11 to 2, doesn't sound like a long time to an average person but well.... Im not average, im loopy like cheerios! It was nice to see my brother participate in the triathlon though, I don't see him that often as he lives in the city now so it's always special when he comes down!
Raising money for Cancer Research!
The strange thing was that T4 presenter/Radio DJ George Lamb was there supporting one of the entrants at the triathlon! My brother's girlfriend spotted him, it was rather odd to be honest! For those of you out there who don't know who George Lamb is he is Larry Lamb's (who previously used to play Archie Mitchell in EastEnders) son! So you can imagine it was pretty strange seeing him there out of all places!
Hmm he is pretty hot I guess but he ain't got nothing on Gok Wan that's for sure! Earlier this year I did make a vow to myself that I would go to Pride with a group of friends but well... my anxiety thought it would be too much of a struggle to go to Brighton and rave it up, so I just stayed home and watched my brother compete in the triathlon- which I thought was an achievement to do anyway because at the end of the day it's me going out!! Maybe i'll go to Pride next year- we shall have to see...
Emma x
I hope everyone is having a nice relaxing weekend... How many of you were at Brighton Pride?
So i've had a very different day today, which hasn't been easy as I don't really go out apart from when I have my "goal of the week" I only like going out at night, kinda pointless right? Anyways, my brother took part in the Triathlon today in my town && of course the family were all coming to watch && support him! It was especially hard being out from around 11 to 2, doesn't sound like a long time to an average person but well.... Im not average, im loopy like cheerios! It was nice to see my brother participate in the triathlon though, I don't see him that often as he lives in the city now so it's always special when he comes down!
The strange thing was that T4 presenter/Radio DJ George Lamb was there supporting one of the entrants at the triathlon! My brother's girlfriend spotted him, it was rather odd to be honest! For those of you out there who don't know who George Lamb is he is Larry Lamb's (who previously used to play Archie Mitchell in EastEnders) son! So you can imagine it was pretty strange seeing him there out of all places!
Hmm he is pretty hot I guess but he ain't got nothing on Gok Wan that's for sure! Earlier this year I did make a vow to myself that I would go to Pride with a group of friends but well... my anxiety thought it would be too much of a struggle to go to Brighton and rave it up, so I just stayed home and watched my brother compete in the triathlon- which I thought was an achievement to do anyway because at the end of the day it's me going out!! Maybe i'll go to Pride next year- we shall have to see...
Emma x
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