Evening Everyone
Feel free to leave this post if you don't want to hear me waffle on like the waffling midget that I am!
Since wednesday i've felt so much more depressed than I did beforehand with thoughts once again of suicide and self harm which I shall point out now, I haven't had thoughts like those for a good couple of months now... So it's pretty obvious that im feeling really bad. It's been free for a few months from SH && I really don't want to mess up my SH free track record now but it's getting so very tempting to do so! I really regret going to see my physiatrist now before the appt I was coping with her leave but now it's all coming back to me as though she only left yesterday...I know im making things worse for myself by thinking about her but I just can't help wondering if she'll ever come back before im 18...
The sad thing is I can't mention this to my mum, I can't mention this to my sister, I can't mention this to my CAMHS worker cuz I know what everyone will say! It just makes me feel horribly guilty to bring up her name in therapy cuz I feel bad as I've a new therapist now- why is everything so confusing? I just want her back to the way it used to be- is that so hard?!
Emma x
Hang in there! There is always a better way to relieve your stress and pain without harming yourself. I know it's tough but you have to concentrate on beating the urges. Apart from your therapist is there someone else you can talk to? A very close friend etc? I think it might help if you just talk to them and let them know how you're feeling. It would take so much stress off your shoulders!! I hope you feel better soon :)
ReplyDeleteThank You for your lovely comment (:Well to be honest there isn't really anyone I can truly speak to...Im fine with talking about all my other mental health problems, but this is one of the most difficult things that I just shy away from the conversations as it's easier and less painful!
ReplyDeleteE x