So today has been a pretty stressful day to say the least, I mean seriously one session of counseling is enough let alone two sessions! So this morning I had my usual appt with E my CAMHS worker, as usual it went alright although I have to say it went better than last week because we actually spoke about something important whereas last week it was a random mix of irrelevant things, so the conversation was about my OCD today- which was a pretty deep conversation.
So what made me want to finally open up about my OCD?
Well to that question- Sky TV! Ha, well to be more specific there is this program me and my mum watch on the 'Bio' channel in the evening called Obsessed- it's a program which follows two different people in each episode who suffer with a form of OCD. Each participant goes through a 12 week course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which will expose themselves to the source of their anxiety to manage their fears!
According to Anxiety Disorder Association of America there are around 40 million adults suffering with some form of an anxiety disorder, such as OCD!
Last night was the 2nd time we had watched 'Obsessed' and it got us thinking 'why should we have to be in America to be able to do exposure therapy?' seeing as I had my appt with my physiatrist we thought we would ask him about whether or not CAMHS to intense exposure therapy...
After 30 minutes of pure delight in watching Season 6 of Criminal Minds it was time to head out once again to see my physiatrist, now this time was different- this centre where I saw my physiatrist was the place I went to when I was 14, when I was really under-weight && when I was seeing my eating disorder person so as you can imagine that place holds many a memory including ones of suicidal talk in October 2009 which was the last time I went to this place.... Of- course this place had not changed at all, it's still the waterfall painted, barbie doll housed weird shaped building like it always used to be like back in the day- but wow what a weird feeling it was being back there again... way too many bad memories there to be honest I don't even think I have a happy memory of that place! The only fun thing about that place is the whiteboard with the magnetic letters, it would be the first thing I'd walk to when I used to go there often... old habits die hard it seems!
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| They've gotten rid of the majority of letters... |
Everything in the day was going alright up until then... now they didn't use to have this at the centre but they've now got everyone's mug shots who work in and around CAMHS- which was totally depressing as I saw a photo of my best girlie && the tears just came... It's made me miss her even more- she left in January right before my 17th birthday, I was doing so well in coping with her leave but then I see one photo && BAM! It all comes back to me....
Emma x
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