Emma x

Going private...

Evening Everyone

For a while now there has been talk amongst my parents of getting private therapy to help me with my mental health problems, the moment has arrived! The other day me && my mother were browsing online at private therapists who specialize in eating disorders, we found someone who looks very promising- KER-CHING! Im set to meet her next tuesday at 2pm with my mumma, im feeling very nervous all ready i've never really seen someone just for my eating disorder apart from D when I was 14- but that was mainly because I was so underweight! It's going to be a difficult week for sure, monday i've got my second session of WRAP, tuesday i've got College && im seeing my new E/D therapist, wednesday I think im seeing E my CAMHS worker && thursday I've got College!! It's going to be a long week... 


                                                                  Emma x

Hope for the future after Monday?

Evening Lovelies


Hope your all have a nice weekend so far!


So on monday I start this WRAP Course that i've been put down to do at Summerhayes which is a new service im with for people suffering with mental illnesses etc... WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan which was founded by Mary Ellen Copeland in 1989. Her idea was to shift in mental health care from 'symptom control' to prevention and recovery, on her website I quote what she says about the course "the result is significant life enhancement, gains in self esteem, and self confidence as people become contributing members of the community." Sounds pretty positive right! 


I think the WRAP Course sounds really good overall- it costs just £10 for a three hour a week, six week course which to me sounds extremely good but as i've said before money is no object for my parents when it comes to helping me with my mental illnesses, soon to be going private for my eating disorder! Of course I have my anxieties about monday (obviously, it wouldn't be called anxiety disorder if I was totally calm) I guess my main worry really is that I'll be the youngest person there because technically you have to be over 18 to even join Summerhayes but because of the mental illnesses that I suffer with they've made an exception on my account so I've joined four months earlier... It's not a massive age gap between adulthood but im particularly worried that people will leave me out due to the fact that i'll be the youngest there, I know my worries sound silly but that's how Im feeling about it all but I guess I will just have to wait until monday to find out!


                                                                   Emma x

Specialized Therapists...

Hello Lovelies

Today has been a particularly stressful day to say the least! I was meant to have counseling at College today at 9.30 but she never turned up, turned out the woman in student services didn't tell her that she was supposed to see me today! Not only was I annoyed that I had wasted an hour of my life when I could have been happily asleep in my cosy, warm bed but it was my mum that had to suffer too as she takes me to and from College!!

Anyways during the break between 'counseling' and my English class I had two hours to kill so we both decided to go into town. We came across this Juice bar which I totally didn't know was there, so that was awesome I got a 'Zing Time' juice which was freshly squeezed OJ with lemon && lime- it was totally lush! So we were sat by the river chatting about my eating disorder as we never really speak about it... we were basically putting CAMHS down for the fact that they've hardly helped since I got referred there when I was 14! I mean how hard is it for them to help with my eating problems? My dad works with American Express and gets free healthcare so he is looking into getting me a counselor who just deals with eating disorders... I mean how hard is it these days to get a specialized therapist?

This is the eating disorder I suffer with!

I just worry that when I turn 18... in fact I turn 18 tomorrow in exactly four months time-weird! Like I was saying, I just worry that when the time comes for me to leave CAMHS- I'll still be in the same situation if not worse than I am in at the moment! I would just love to be able to go out and eat something even if it's the smallest muffin in the world, it would be a massive step for me but that's the thing... I can't do it by myself, I need help but where's the help when I need it?


                                                      Emma x

Happy S7 Criminal Minds Day Everyone....

Good Evening To You All,

So today is a very exciting day for all CM lovers out there... tonight Season 7 of Criminal Minds is released at 9pm (CBS) in the country that is America! It's what everyone has been waiting for, sadly thought because I live in England we don't get S7 of Criminal Minds until the 6th January which in effect will be an early birthday present for me, which is never a bad thing! I've already seen the preview of it on Youtube for episode 1 "It Takes A Village" && it looks so good that I just want to fly out the US just to see it!

It's good to have the family all back together!

Im fairly new to CM although I've basically seen every episode in each series because well... I love it so much I can't go a day without watching it! I first got into it earlier this year when I was searching out for something to watch && I came across this program... I showed it to my mum and we watched it right through and the rest is history- we watch it together every single day!

So glad A.J is back! Image from 'It Takes A Village'

The gorgeous Emily Prentiss.

Yes, my favorite character in CM is Prentiss! Paget is such an amazing actress- I mean have you see how amazingly gorgeous she is? On monday I saw the episode where she 'dies' although I knew she didn't really... it was still a very emotional episode to watch after seeing my darling Paget through 5 whole seasons suddenly she goes just like that...I just want S7 to come quicker so I can see her again!!

The official 'I <3 CM' mani

Not bad for free hand!

                                                                        

                                                              What I Used:

                                                           - Barry M Matt White

                                                           - Beauty UK Clear 

                                                           - Models Own Nail Art Pen

                                                           - Sparkly Red

Of course you couldn't have an official S7CM Day without a special CM inspired manicure, I absolutely love this one! I feel so proud of the heart considering I drew it free hand, im usually rubbish when it comes to drawing on my nails... I guess my love is so strong everything worked out! 

My DVD Collection so far.... 

My CM merch consists currently of Season 2 && 5 both I absolutely love but right now am really wanting S4 and S6 which im waiting for Play.com to holla at me about once it's S6 has been released- the question is am I strong enough to watch Emily's death all over again... Course I am- I wouldn't miss it for the world! I also have my Criminal Minds T-shirt which i've had for quite some time now, it's my absolute favorite t-shirt ever! 

CM T-shirt babyyy!

It's all very exciting knowing that once S7 aires it'll be on it's way down to the UK, I absolutely cannot wait! I've been waiting for this for oh-so-long && now the moment has arrived for it to come to the UK... in four months time that is which is a massive shame as most US shows air in the UK a couple of days later, but not CM oh no- we have to wait four months until we get our delicious CM fix!

                                                                     Emma x

Mum I want to drive...

Evening Everyone

So today has been hard like it usually is but more so since I've been feeling so much more depressed! I'll start with the depressive news && then the pretty awesome news....

So today has been emotional for two reasons 1. because of my usual depressive feeling and 2. because today we saw Season 6 (ep 18) of Criminal Minds 'Lauren'... now any CM fan will know what that episode is without even saying anything other than 'Lauren'!! Okay im trying to stop myself sounding like a majorly typical teenager here but OMG... My beloved Emily Prentiss died! Wow it was one of those episodes where you just couldn't look away from the screen, I mean seriously in the first two minutes or so Prentiss has already shot someone in the head! It was an amazing episode though, I could not fault it- I was just so sad to see Prentiss leave but no fear she's back for Season 7 which I might add starts on the 21st September!!

Ahh Paget is way too cool!

So last night I was thinking about what to ask for for my 18th birthday in January, to be honest I had no idea at all until I thought why not ask to learn how to drive! The obvious thought was 'why do I need to drive if I don't even go out' but then it occurred to me- the things we talk about in Family Therapy- about me going out and doing normal teenage stuff etc... In being able to drive it could make me more independent rather than having to be assisted by my mum everywhere I go!

 I spoke to my mum earlier on about it && she too saw it as a good idea, even to just go to College by myself would be a massive step for me to take! Don't get me wrong I won't be asking for my own car purely because it's way too expensive so I could be put on the insurance for my dad's car && drive that around! It's pretty exciting to be honest, it'll give me an aim as well as something to look forward to for when my birthday comes around! 

                                                                            Emma x

Feeling Low.

Evening Everyone

Feel free to leave this post if you don't want to hear me waffle on like the waffling midget that I am!

 Since wednesday i've felt so much more depressed than I did beforehand with thoughts once again of suicide and self harm which I shall point out now, I haven't had thoughts like those for a good couple of months now... So it's pretty obvious that im feeling really bad. It's been free for a few months from SH && I really don't want to mess up my SH free track record now but it's getting so very tempting to do so! I really regret going to see my physiatrist now before the appt I was coping with her leave but now it's all coming back to me as though she only left yesterday...I know im making things worse for myself by thinking about her but I just can't help wondering if she'll ever come back before im 18...

The sad thing is I can't mention this to my mum, I can't mention this to my sister, I can't mention this to my CAMHS worker cuz I know what everyone will say! It just makes me feel horribly guilty to bring up her name in therapy cuz I feel bad as I've a new therapist now- why is everything so confusing? I just want her back to the way it used to be- is that so hard?!

                                                                 Emma x

Pretty Things in Small Packages

Good Evening To You All,

 As a lover of pretty and beautiful things as well as writing letters I decided to get myself some nice paper to write to my friends with from around the world, so the other week I ordered some pretty writing paper from LetterSets.com (I highly recommend) and this morning they arrived! I ordered two writing sets of different designs as well as a sheet of bug stickers!

Note from Michelle + extra stickers!

Mint Green four leaf clover writing set!

Pink flowery letter set && bug stickers!

Close up of the stickers- SO CUTE!

I thought it was absolutely lovely how Michelle had added an extra little sheet of stickers + that little note, it makes it so much more personal when people do little things like that! I certainly wasn't expecting an extra sheet of stickers- their totally cute too! I don't have College tomorrow so it's going to be spent writing my letters to A in Canada, A in England && B in Brazil- I can't wait, it's one the best distractions that I have in my life right now!

                                                                          Emma x

First week of College.

Evening Everyone

Wow! *sigh of relief* Im so glad this week of College is over- although i've only been in two days it's been a mission... a big mission! Tuesday was my first day back which was a total disaster and when I say disaster I mean a big enough disaster that I couldn't even make it to my first class which was English, I only managed to go into tutor on that day- despite everything that happened in the morning my mum said she was still proud of me that I managed to go into College in the end- that made me also feel proud as I was so convinced that I wouldn't go in + I had already rung the absent line... but somehow I manage to go in for tutor!!

The true 'Born Survivor' 

Today was difficult too but not as hard as tuesday was- I only had English class this afternoon so it wasn't too daunting but wow my teacher is absolutely awesome, he looks like Bear Grylls so freakin' much! It was very odd when I walked in- it was one of those moments where you feel compelled to call him Bear... I just hope I don't catch myself calling him that out of mistake! Im pleased with my new English teacher this year, I much prefer him to my previous English teacher whom I had last year!

Until I get my math course sorted out I will only be going into College two days a week- im sure it'll be four days once my maths is sorted! Although im not all that stoked about being back in College, it gives me a focus and something to do- my therapist says it's the best thing to do in the long run regarding my mental health... I just hope she is right on this one!

                                                                    

                                                                       Emma x

Double Therapy. Double Trouble.

Evening Lovelies

So today has been a pretty stressful day to say the least, I mean seriously one session of counseling is enough let alone two sessions! So this morning I had my usual appt with E my CAMHS worker, as usual it went alright although I have to say it went better than last week because we actually spoke about something important whereas last week it was a random mix of irrelevant things, so the conversation was about my OCD today- which was a pretty deep conversation.

So what made me want to finally open up about my OCD?

Well to that question- Sky TV! Ha, well to be more specific there is this program me and my mum watch on the 'Bio' channel in the evening called Obsessed- it's a program which follows two different people in each episode who suffer with a form of OCD. Each participant goes through a 12 week course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which will expose themselves to the source of their anxiety to manage their fears!

According to Anxiety Disorder Association of America there are around 40 million adults suffering with some form of an anxiety disorder, such as OCD!

Last night was the 2nd time we had watched 'Obsessed' and it got us thinking 'why should we have to be in America to be able to do exposure therapy?' seeing as I had my appt with my physiatrist we thought we would ask him about whether or not CAMHS to intense exposure therapy...

After 30 minutes of pure delight in watching Season 6 of Criminal Minds it was time to head out once again to see my physiatrist, now this time was different- this centre where I saw my physiatrist was the place I went to when I was 14, when I was really under-weight && when I was seeing my eating disorder person so as you can imagine that place holds many a memory including ones of suicidal talk in October 2009 which was the last time I went to this place.... Of- course this place had not changed at all, it's still the waterfall painted, barbie doll housed weird shaped building like it always used to be like back in the day- but wow what a weird feeling it was being back there again... way too many bad memories there to be honest I don't even think I have a happy memory of that place! The only fun thing about that place is the whiteboard with the magnetic letters, it would be the first thing I'd walk to when I used to go there often... old habits die hard it seems!

They've gotten rid of the majority of letters...

 Anyways, as usual had to wait a while for my physiatrist to come- my mum asked him about whether or not the NHS do exposure therapy && he said they do and that I need to speak to E about it- so kinda back to square 1 I guess but at least we know that Im pretty much in charge of how intensive I want the OCD treatment to be!

 Everything in the day was going alright up until then... now they didn't use to have this at the centre but they've now got everyone's mug shots who work in and around CAMHS- which was totally depressing as I saw a photo of my best girlie && the tears just came... It's made me miss her even more- she left in January right before my 17th birthday, I was doing so well in coping with her leave but then I see one photo && BAM! It all comes back to me....

                                                                        Emma x

Tomorrow- My first day of College.

Evening Lovelies

I hope all you bloggers from the UK are staying safe from the aftermath of the hurricanes that hit the US the other week, it's so super windy down in the South East- I just hope no one gets hurt!

So tomorrow is officially my first day back to College as a 2nd year! Im feeling really anxious as I have imagined I would- why do I always get worried about these things? Thank god my timetable this year is small, so far I only have to go in two days a week as English is my only course that is set in stone! Annoyingly im on the waiting list for GCSE maths so I don't know when that will start... Because of my mental health problems the college have put me on a reduced timetable for the second year running which really helps to enable me to actually get to College as often as possible!

I only have English and tutor tomorrow- I have to say im more worried about English than anything purely because I've got a new teacher whom i've never met before + I have absolutely no idea who is even in my class... I find that's the worst thing- the not knowing the in's and out's of the situation! Im a person who has to be in control of everything that goes on (within reason of course) so it makes it a stressful situation when going into the first few lessons of classes because you don't know people all that well, I hope it'll work out though && that I will blog tomorrow with joys of how the day went- maybe not 'joys' as such but hopefully a positive note! Wish me luck!

                                                                  Emma x

R.I.P 9/11

Evening Everyone

Everyone knows what day it is today... it's the 10th anniversary of the Twin Tower attacks on the 11th September 2001. The day that shook everyone's world around the world!! I was only 7 years of age when this tragedy happened, I remember I was sat in maths class when I was at Private School- I can remember the exact desk that I sat at when we got told about what had happened in New York.

Back when I was in therapy with my best girlie she told me this story about how when she && her partner went to America on a trip, they were walking along when suddenly it was all quiet and eery- she then realized they were at Ground Zero! I remember her telling me how busy and noisy it always was throughout New York except at Ground Zero it was extremely quiet- to remember people who lost their lives.

This is why I've made this post, to commemorate all the lives that were lost in the horrific attacks on 9/11! To say that im thinking about all the families and friends who lost loved ones on that day- that awful day which the world will never forget... To all those people who put their own lives in danger to rescue others- they are the true heros in all of this! 




                                                                    Emma x

Venturing into the outside world....

Evening Lovelies

So on wednesday I had my CAMHS appt but it wasn't until 2.30 so I wanted to do something to fill up that time cuz well lets face it- it gets rather boring waiting that long doing nothing... So my mum came up with the idea of going out shopping! I've always loved shopping but ever since the anxiety spaceship crashed into my world, well going out all together has been totally off my list so this was a pretty big thing for me to do!

 Out of that day I had managed 3 different achievements- 1. I managed to eat a little cereal (Lucky Charms of course) before I went out, 2. I managed the shopping trip and 3. I then was able to go to my therapy session with my CAMHS worker! Now I don't know about you but I think those are pretty big achievements especially for someone who doesn't go out or eats before they go out!

I could only manage a couple of hours shopping, maybe not even that- I just hate it all really. I find it too awkward that it just makes me want to run out the shop crying so I find it a pretty overwhelming thing to do... At the end of the day the main thing is that I did it the best I could && I succeeded, plus got some nice little things in the process!

Seeing as LUSH has just opened...I couldn't resist!

It's pink && blue sparkly on the inside <3
Can you say LUSH?

Yes I have an obsession with colored tights!
2 x New Look && 3 x Primark

Sleeveless tee from New Look!

Well im gonna need something to wear with the tights!
Very Autumnal!

I also got a load of other girly items such as extra hair scrunchies, a head-wrap and some purple feather earrings! Although it may not be a massive thing going shopping for some people I feel really proud of myself that I managed to venture out and face my anxiety + to top it all of I went to therapy after!!

                                                                     Emma x

The woes of an Eating Disorder!

Good Evening

So im in need of a rant and a rave- *Miranda moment* bare with... bare with... here we go! Right living with an eating disorder certainly isn't a part time job- it's a full time occupation- an occupation that I absolutely deteste!

I was chatting about it with my mum (we don't often talk about the e/d) this afternoon which was nice but it's just made me a whole lot more frustrated with it all. As good as my CAMHS worker has been to me we just never discuss the eating disorder which pretty much along with the OCD is the most important things right now! Just a word of Emma- im not anorexic- when people say "i've an eating disorder" people assume it's ana or mia- I am neither. My eating disorder is known as EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which I got diagnosed with when I was 14 years of age... Since then my life (eating wise) has been absolute hell mixed with obscene amounts of peanut butter!

Yes peanut butter && bread is part of 8 other things that are in my 'safe foods' all very boring, very monotonous, very upsetting! I try not to think about it but at the end of the day you can't not think about what is wrong in your life- it gets me down a lot especially when I see my family eat normally! I guess that's why I always eat by myself, the only person I can deal with eating in the same room is my mum!

Tomorrow I have my app with my CAMHS worker so I think im gonna see if we can just focus on the eating disorder in the session *fingers crossed* I just hope it goes okay...

                                                                     Emma x

NOTD: Radically Random

Evening Everyone

I haven't done an NOTD for ages so here is one I did earlier (Blue Peter moment) Tuesday is my nail art afternoon with the double episode of Criminal Minds <3 I couldn't really make up my mind as to what to do so I decided to go random on both hands, I like mixed up things so I really enjoyed doing this mani! Of course I was in good company of Season 5 of CM- always the best! To top it all off I got one of the best CM moments ever with Prentiss && Morgan, aha I love it so much!

Morgan- Prentiss look out..
Prentiss- I got him, I got him... *Morgan starts firing the gun in the car*
Hotch- You alright?
Morgan- Yeah
Prentiss- No- are you outta your mind? Your blew out my eardrum!

Left Hand. 

Right Hand.

                                                                      What I Used:
                                                                  - Barry M Lemon Ice Cream
                                                                  - Barry M Bright Pink
                                                                  - Barry M Blueberry Ice Cream 
                                                                  - Barry M Mint Green
                                                                  - Barry M Coral 
                                                                  - Models Own Nail Art Pen
                                                                  - BeautyUk Clear 


The mani on the left hand is my absolute favorite! I just wanted to make it random purely because im a very random person! The rainbow was creating the same way you would do 'newspaper nails' I found this rainbow  colored lollipop in The Times 2 last night so I thought it would look extra nice on my nail- it's rather faded than I had hoped but I still like it all the same! I like the little face on my middle finger, I've named him 'Peagreen' he looks out for me you see!

                                                                          Emma x

College Enrolment...What A Mess!

Evening Lovelies

Long time no speak, yesterday I was just way too tired to blog but im here today- I would love to say im here and refreshed but well that would be lying!

So this morning I went to College to enroll for me second year- let me tell you now, it was a very big, very ugly mess! As a person who suffers with mental health problems college doesn't come easy to me, it takes a lot of motivation from my mum to get me to actually go so as you can imagine today I did not want to go purely because Im worried that by going it'll make my mental health worse! Eventually she persuaded me to go to enrollment, once I got there the anxiety kicked in!

Of course everyone has those little worries about going back to school/college but I guess me being the fruit loop that I am finds it a lot more difficult! This year I have a new tutor (whom after today I do not like at all) my original worries was that he wouldn't understand the situation that I am in, which would turn into an even bigger mess! Now my previous tutor told me that she would pass on my notes etc to my new tutor so he knew all about me and my situation but no, no knowing about the situation = no passed on notes! So as you can imagine im pretty annoyed at this point. I decided to do what anyone else would do- speak to the tutor regarding the situation regarding the courses (i've now enrolled on courses I have no intention of taking, yet no one listened to me) but of course he would sit down, listen for a single moment and then walk away! I was just absolutely livid at this point that I just walked out (well to be honest me and my friend went to the toilets but walking out sounds better) to phone my mum so I could rant and rave about what was going on!

By the end of the enrollment which I might add took up to 4 hours- just to sign some papers and get your photo taken, pathetic- I was just absolutely fed up, hungry and faint and of-course wanting to go home! Me being me I had to ring my CAMHS worker about the whole mess of a situation, once I had her guidance and "it'll all work out in the long run" I could finally manage lunch! The enrollment wore me out so much I needed to sleep after lunch- it was very much needed! After a chat with my lovely mother we both agreed that the next best thing would be to email my tutor about the situation which I have done so hopefully i'll get an adequate reply back!

                                                                 Emma x

Cake Bake Time!

Good Evening To You All,

So today was spent all day by myself as my family went to see my grandparents, as usual I stay at home! I really needed something to do to 1. fill the time and 2. do something to distract myself from my depression so I thought why not bake a cake! About a year or so ago I used to do a lot of baking each week but then I just stopped, so today was the first time in way over a year that I've baked something and you know what? I enjoyed it! 


Although I enjoyed making my little creation the only downside is is that I won't be eating it! My eating disorder (im not anorexia) prevents me eating anything other than the 'safe' food that I have! So i'll have to go with what my mum says as to how the cake tastes! 

Frank the Flour Face! So Adorable <3

                                                    

Little burnt round the edges!  Goes from this...

It really did smell wonderful! 

TO THIS! Very Proud Moment (: 

Had to get a close-up of the flowers- too cute!

Your probably all wondering what cake it was that I made in the end, it was a Pecan & Cinnamon cake with a homemade strawberry jam layer in the middle! When I showed my parents, they both had different reactions my dad was like 'Ooohh it's a spongebob!' where as my mum's eyes lit up with 'Oohhhh that looks good!!' Ha! I love presenting my mumma with cakes- it always makes her smile!

                                                                    Emma x

A New Discovery...

Hello Everyone

Hope your all having a lovely weekend (: Hope all you lovely Americans are enjoying Labour Day Weekend!

So as you all know I tested out 'Aussie 3 Minute Miracle' last week- I was totally raving about it until the next day my hair was really greasy, which certainly wasn't my desired effect so I tried something new this week instead of Aussie Miracle again!

The new product I hear you question? 'Boots Coconut & Almond Intensive Hair Mask' for normal-dry hair, this product is actually my sisters but im sure she won't mind! The smell of this hair mask was rather strange, although you could smell the coconut and almonds there was an overpowering underlying smell of chemicals, which is obviously to be expected but I didn't realize it would be that strong! Anyways, I really enjoyed the texture of this hair mask- it was very putty like it reminds me of white bread as it springs back into place once you've played with it!

It says on the back of the tub to leave it in for 5 minutes for best results, but well me being me wanted to leave it in for 10 so I went downstairs and watched Tim Burtons Corpse Bride on TV while drinking the super sexy juice that is M&S Berry Medley... It's a recommendation from moi!

                                     Emily- played by the gorgeous Helena B-C

I remember when I was younger going to see 'Corpse Bride' with my mum and sister- it was really good but not my favorite of films but I would happily watch it! I think now im older, I appreciate films more that I saw when I was younger!

Check me out with my super berry juice! I feel healthy just looking at it, but honestly this juice is the absolute bomb! Once you've taken a swig of it, the strawberry/blueberry hit you && then the sharp, tongue tangling raspberry finishing up with the weak taste of the grapes- It's freakin' awesome!

                                                                          Emma x

What Makes Me Smile?

Good Evening Lovely People

I've had a relaxing day today pretty much, caught up on the best soap there is- EastEnders! I also finally tidied up my clothes which I had out for months when I was dealing with my suicidal thoughts at one stage ( I have no idea why I took all my clothes out the wardrobe though?!) + sorting out the ol' iPod as it was acting like a stubborn teenager in getting the songs onto it- but it's all happy now!

At the end of September I am starting the WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) course, so earlier on I was thinking what are the things that make me smile?

My bestest- Sasi && I during our first year of College!

The memories of meeting Gok Wan twice!

Criminal Minds certainly makes me smile!

Photography is one of my biggest smiles && distraction!

The beautiful Helena Bonham Carter

Kawaii- the cuteness of it all makes me smile!

My family make me smile loads-especially my momma!

One of the best movies ever- Buzz is the absolute BOMG!

 So there is a few things that bring a smile to my face- they may not seem like really big things but to me they are the things that keep me sane && comforted! There are probably a few more things that make me smile but right now my brain is mush due to the upped dosage of my meds, so im finding it hard to think! I think I got a pretty good mix of things above though, maybe I will do a part 2 next time! I enjoy looking at photos of things that make me happy, I have numerous photos of Gok Wan and Criminal Minds on the wall next to my bed so I can always look at them when im feeling low!

                                                                  Emma x

To The Dentist I Went...

Evening Everyone

As my 'goal of the week' I decided to make it as a trip to the dentist due to the fact that im getting braces real soon so I thought as I had avoided the dentist for over 3 years it may be good to go just to check if everything is all good!

Thankfully my mum managed to get a morning appt for me, it always lessens any anxiety I may have beforehand! Surprisingly I wasn't that nervous, of-course I was nervous but I wasn't completely bricking it! The appt was at 10.40 but we arrived a little late due to me fumbling around/not wanting to get up in the early morning but it was fine- I didn't even have a chance to go into the waiting room as he was standing in their waiting for me and my mumma to arrive...which was good and bad- good that I didn't have to go through that anxious wait in the waiting room but bad because I didn't have time to do my deep breathing beforehand!!

Anyways so I got in there, heart thumping, hands sweating and all the jazz! I have to say I was a little anxious in saying that I was on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics but it was alright in the end! Man how I hate the smell of dentists, as soon as you walk in it just hits you as an over-powering smell- the smell alone makes you want to leave! Thank goodness that in despite the fact that I  had stayed away for over 3 years, my teeth are all good && I don't need any work done *massive sigh of relief* It certainly wasn't as scary as I had expected + I didn't take the valium beforehand which I expected I would do!

I feel incredibly proud of myself- once again I need to treat myself! Im thinking 3 bottles of Barry M nail varnish for my A* and an iTunes card for making it out today! I've also spotted some shoes as a gift from my parents for me A*... Oh Dr martin, you called?

I think their pretty awesome, now all i'll need is to shave all my hair off and wear my jeans folded up! I searched out for some colorful Nikes in OFFICE and Offspring but well... none of them weren't colorful enough for my liking!!

                                                                       Emma x