Week in Photos #3

Evening Everyone.

Previous to last week it's been a difficult week. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts and a lot of anxiety!

Last Saturday saw my town's new Bonfire Society come together. There was a parade at the bottom of my road which me and my parents went down to watch, I managed to get a couple good photos despite the bad street lightning! My favorite aspect of this photograph is the skull and crossbones.

Tuesdays CM-afternoon-Mani
A simple Halloween design, there was a pumpkin on my thumb!

 One of the best things about Autumn is the colors of the leaves, this is a bush in the front of my garden! I took a photo of it when it was first turning red/orange- it certainly took a good few weeks for it to be perfectly changed, but altogether I absolutely love this photo especially with the rain drops on it- England in a nutshell!

 Another Photography photo, whereas this one was taking in my back garden. My main objective was to capture the color of the sky as the sun was setting but then I saw how pretty the trees and branches looked so I decided to include those in the photo to! Makes for a very pretty photo, don't you think? The point of interest in this photo would be the bare tree in the garden next door, it's the thing my eye get drawn to!

 Today I baked fairy cakes with my darling twin sister, we weren't sure what to make but Lucy came up with baking fairy cakes, so that's what the final outcome was! There a little different, we used food coloring inside the cakes, red and orange- although in saying that the red looked more like pink and the orange looked more like peach, all the same though they still tasted delish! These were my decorated cakes, I wanted to keep things simple!

Since I was homeschooled during Year 11 I never took GCSE's, I had to drop GCSE Maths during my first year of College as it all got too much what with trying to recover from mental illness so this year im re-taking but instead of having the stress of doing it at College im doing it at home as an ICS distance learning GCSE Maths course. I officially started it on monday, so far so good but boy oh boy it's freaking hard!

 My very first Costa! On Thursday I went to Brighton with my mum, usually when I go out I just get a bottle of water if I need a drink what with my eating disorder holding me back from doing everything normal. So I decided to push myself and I got a Cappuccino, which was very nice! Will certainly be getting a coffee out from now on!

 An A* in Photography deserves a present right? Sure does! Well this is my present from my parents, a £90 pair of flowery Dr Martens! I absolutely love them, although i've yet to wear them out I certainly will be as soon as I take a trip out into the wide world!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no shopping trip to Brighton is complete without a trip into LUSH! I am a sucker for LUSH shower gel so this time round I couldn't resist picking up 'Happy Hippy' which I especially love and everyone's favorite, 'Snow Fairy', im not sure on this one but im sure it'll grow on me as it hits the warmth of the shower! I especially love going in there as the S.A's are so nice and helpful!


                                            Emma x

Transition.

Evening Ladies

In January I will be 18. A lot of people look forward to their 18th birthday, it's signals becoming an adult and no longer being a child, but im anxious about turning 18 for a very different reason... At 18 I leave CAMHS! Now since I was 14 i've been going to CAMHS, it's dominated my teenage years pretty much and soon will be the time to leave and move on to the adult services! Although CAMHS isn't the best of services out there for young people suffering with mental illness, I think we can all agree that it's helped a little on some levels- I mean to be honest it could be worse, I could have no support at all so im very grateful to them!

When I turn 18 I will be going onto the adult services, Working Age Mental Health Services also known as WAMHS- the name makes me laugh! Im feeling pretty unsure about the whole change over purely because i've heard bad things about the adult services, apparently your therapy appts are pretty spaced apart- im not talking a couple of weeks im talking a month here... at least that's what my friend said! Of course it varies within each service, I just can't help but feel apprehensive about it! The plan is to stick with the NHS and then if the service isn't what we thought it would be then we'll be going privately, which in my opinion sounds the better option out of the two!


                                                  Emma x

From Bad To Worse..

Evening Everyone

So things seem to be getting a lot worse over this past week or so, I don't even know why! Im feeling so much more sad that I did this time last week! I just wish I had an answer... I saw E my CAMHS worker today, the way she described it was that sometimes there isn't a reason for my low moods and that they just come randomly, fair enough but still Im a person who needs to have control over everything, I'd at least like to know why im feeling this way- surely I deserve that?

On Thursday my suicidal thoughts returned, I didn't know what to do or who to turn to but I forced myself into College, surely having a distraction would help right? I was worried in particular that Bear would pick up on my mood and want to speak to me outside, thank god he didn't so I was in the clear!

                                                                        Emma x

Week in Photos #2

Evening Lovlies,

Hope everyone is having a happy saturday! The best part of my day is yet to come... Later on when I watch Criminal Minds S7 with my mum. Anyways, here comes my week-

 On sunday I used my ballistic which had been sitting around for ages! It was very nice to finally just sit in the bath and relax- it's a moment that is very rare in my life so I particularly enjoyed it! Be purchasing 'Twilight' again, smells gorgeous && it's blue on the inside which made the water turn a lovely mauve color!

 One of my favorite photography pictures of the week! Took this photo from inside the car on my way to the Orthodontist last tuesday, the clouds look absolutely stunning in this photo! I love the composition of the houses in between the clouds!

Saturdays midnight mani using Models Own.

Tuesdays' afternoon Criminal-Minds-watching mani

 On Friday I baked Banana Cake. The last time I baked this was in September of 2009 so a very long time ago, I couldn't remember what it tasted like but it was certainly delish this time round! Will certainly be making this cake again, the only downside to it is that only me and my mum like it... Oh well more banana loving for us!

 On thursday my mum bought me a box of Celebrations as a little gift for making it through the whole first term of College, the main achievement was that I only missed one lesson which in my world is absolutely massive! A very proud mummy and a very happy Emma.

My first Polaroid camera, it's something that i've always wanted! Bought this beauty today in a charity shop for just.. wait for it £5!! Amazing && film for this model is still being sold online! More to come about this tomorrow..

                                                                         Emma x

Anxiety && OCD Are Best Friends....

Evening Lovelies

So basically this is just post is just going to be me waffling on about my anxiety and OCD so if you don't want to read me waffle like the waffler I am then I would advise you to leave, thank you!

Gangbanger. That is the word I would use to describe my OCD and anxiety, they like to pair up as a team and make my life a misery together- I swear they do it just to bring me down! These past couple weeks my anxiety has been getting a lot worse especially at night once my mum has left the room it just rockets right up into space but the thing is... I don't know why? I don't know why my anxiety is getting worse, there isn't anything that I can remotely think of as to why it could make my anxiety rise- so that makes things all the more frustrating!!

My obsessive compulsive disorder has been particularly getting me down especially during the evening and before I eat, it consumes my brain so much that I just want to scream, smash the wall in and cry- I absolutely hate it im just surprised that i've managed this far along without breaking my hand into the wall! I can just feel the emotion building up inside myself, it's just all getting too much to cope with right now! My plan is to ring E my CAMHS worker tomorrow, see what she says and then I'll take it from there because I just cant cope with it anymore... my meds are to be upped next week which is a little worrying as the 0.5mg of Risperidone is already making me take up to 3 naps a day-that's how tired it makes me so im just anxious that it'll make me even more tired and then I won't be able to cope with College!! Subconsciously that could be what im worrying about but I don't feel particularly worried about it...

Ho hum I do hate this situation the fact that my anxiety and OCD are getting worse makes me all the more depressed in day to day life, then Im no good to anyone! Part of my therapy with E is to push myself with my OCD rituals etc... but it's hard when Im left to do it by myself, part of me wishes to do exposure therapy but then I worry that i'll get too anxious and pull out of it! I wish I was in America, then it would be a heck of a lot easier to do exposure therapy rather than on the NHS there's very limited choice of things to do when it comes to mental illness!

                                                                         Emma x

Mini LUSH haul.

Hey Lovelies

Hope everyone is having a fab weekend! I've just been watching X Factor *sighs dreamily* gosh Katy Perry is so darn hot! Anyways, onto the topic of the post...LUSH.

I absolutely adore LUSH it certainly beats the Body Shop any day but then I can't really compare them as they are both different stores! I remember the day my dad came home from work telling me about this new store which had recently opened up in Brighton selling all these crazy smelling products, it blew my mind when I first went in there- it was amazing! My first ever purchase in LUSH was the Ma Bar Bubble Bar, the mars bar chocolately scent which what drew me to buying it- my god it was absolutely divine! Course me being the youngen that I was I didn't realize that the Ma Bar was for the bath so I used it in the shower so it crumbled down the plug hole which was rather disappointing! I've learn my LUSH lesson now...

 Anyways, onto the haul!

A couple weeks back I made a 'LUSH Want List' and this little beauty was on my list...Loving the smell of honey I was pretty sure I would adore this, I mean who wouldn't? When I smelt this in the shop I wasn't overly crazy on the scent of it but I gave it a go and once I had gotten home and smelt it I absolutely loved it! First use of 'It's Raining Men' was today- so far so good it's a very soft formula so it won't be drying on your skin at all, i've felt no need to moisturize after using this shower gel!

I bought this ballistic a few weeks ago, I just haven't gotten round to trying it out! It's the 'Twilight' ballistic which is heavenly to be in the bath with! For anyone who has never used 'Twilight' it's pink on the outside with stars and moons whereas when it fizz's away in the tub it goes into a blue fizzing melt just fizzing away going about it's on business! I like how on one half of the bath it's purple/mauve whereas on the other side it's pink- makes for an interesting bath! Once it's all fizzed away it leaves the water a deep mauve color with speckles of glitter floating around, it makes for a very pretty looking bath! This ballistic makes for very soft, moisturizing water which is a very lovely feeling on your body! In the middle of the ballistic it contains lavender and tonka oils which are soothing and helps to relax your body and mind while on the outside contains notes of caramel and an almost ovaltine smell which makes for a very yummy smelling bath bomb!

 Final product in my mini LUSH haul is the 'Love Lettuce' face mask, I've always wanted to try a LUSH face mask but being the poor student that I am has thought they were rather expensive for what they actually are but I decided to speak to one of the SA's about their face masks. She asked me what type my skin was, ranging from normal to oily she recommended the 'Love Lettuce' one as it contains seaweed oil and almond shells which creates a natural exfoliant- never a bad thing! The Kaolin and Fullers Earth soak up all the excess oil in the skin which is what I really want out of a face mask as my skin does become a little too oily sometimes! Im looking forward to using this tomorrow, it says to pop it in the fridge which I still haven't done but im sure it'll be fine seeing as it's only a small sample! I love how the S.A's give you free samples if you aren't too sure on what product to buy, the person I had was so lovely!

                                                                 Emma x

Week in Photos #1

Evening Everyone

Hope your all having a happy saturday!

I've seen this around a few blogs, I thought it looked like fun so I've decided to join in on the action with my own 'week of photos' this week has been a pretty chilled week, stressful I will add though after going to a College meeting on monday but other than that it's not been too bad!

 Recently I've gotten into baking again which previously I used to do but because of my eating disorder I wouldn't eat what I had made but now im starting to actually taste the cakes and bakes that i've created which is a massive thing for me! This is the Honey && Almond cake that I made on monday, it was lovely but next time could do with more honey! *buzzzzz*

 Earlier on this year i've been dying my hair a plumy/purply color as apposed to my usual brown hair, I thought it would be a nice change from the norm! The first two times my sister dyed my hair for me but this week I took the plunge and did it all by myself! I was a little nervous at first but the fact that my hair was in dire need of re-dying helped me get over my initial worries!

 This was a lovely little surprise that I got from one of my penpals, Arisa from Japan she sent me a lovely pen and a couple bags of gummy bears, which were particularly enjoyed on the way home from College! This was the first ever letter I had from her so it was a big surprise especially to see these other little goodies in the package!

 I keep coming back to this mani time and time again, it's totally cute + it's my mums favorite! This was my usual tuesday afternoon-watching-Criminal Minds-manicure! It also gave me another chance to use my new Models Own purple nail varnish!

Ah my dearest friend, LUSH- oh how I adore you! Today I tested out my anxiety and pushed the boat out... I went shopping! To be honest it was nice going out getting some new things but I absolutely hate going out as it makes my anxiety worse but im proud of myself for sticking it out! Course, a shopping trip isn't complete without a trip to LUSH, there shall be a mini haul tomorrow!


                                                           Emma x

CRIMINAL MINDS

Evening Beauts,

Today has been a very exciting day for me purely because Season 7 of my favorite ever program comes out tonight... well actually it's on right this moment and my favorite program I hear you ask? None other than the American crime drama Criminal Minds- it's a program that I absolutely adore && will always adore! You'll probably wondering why im sat here blogging rather than watching my beloved program... I blame OCD! It's all OCD's fault as to why I can't watch it right now but no fear im recording it as we blog ready to watch it tonight with my mumma (a true fan yet she doesn't like to admit it) I can't wait! I've already had a little sneaky peak just at the preview of the first episode 'It Takes a Village' I mean come on who can resist Prentiss's charming ways!!

Not surprisingly I have this photo next to my bed <3

                                                                     

                                                                 Emma x

Models Own.

Evening wonderful people of the blogging world,

Long time no speak. Gosh it's been since Saturday that i've last posted- a lot has been going on in the world of PassTheProzac i've been going to College which is pretty freakin' amazing as today symbols one month at College which i've only missed one day which im totally stoked about because I usually miss way more than that- proud moment! I've also been busy with my WRAP course (i'll get to that later).

My new mantra is 'a treat a week' as earlier on this week i've been told that I don't treat myself enough- the way I *used* to see it was that I didn't deserve treats and nice things because im a fruit loop but that's totally not the case, just because I suffer with a lot of problems doesn't mean I don't deserve to treat myself!! So this weeks treat is something i've always wanted... Models Own nail varnish, which arrived today! It's popped a big ol' smile on my face!

The Models Own trio together forever!

True Blue.

Orange Sorbet.

Lilac Dream.

I can't wait to use these on Saturday for my midnight mani especially excited to be using 'Orange Sorbet' it's just to bright and vivid- the photo certainly doesn't do the color justice! You'll have to excuse the photo quality my iPhone camera was being an ass tonight plus I took it in the evening so there wasn't much light to work with! I think im gonna like my new mantra....

                                                                           Emma x

An adventure into the big wide world...

Evening Everyone

Eventful. That's the word that I would use to sum up the day and boy was it a difficult, I braved going out in the outside world to a market in a town a few miles away from me with my darling parents! I don't really remember the last time I went to a market, since my eating disorder I always thought they were pretty boring as I can't try the different cheese's and chutneys on the weeney pieces of cracker so I never went but today was different... Today I wanted to test myself && my outside world limits, famous last words!

I regretted it. As soon as I got there I regretted coming out, I just wanted to go back home to the safety of my bed and Doctor Who! The sheer amount of people there was unbelievable, I'd gladly go and hide under a market stall just to get away from all the people >.< Gah it was horrible- never again shall I go back to that market... but you know what despite all that, I did it- I made it outside && the world didn't fall apart even if my emotions did, im still alive!

On the way back I managed to snap a couple of pictures of the brewery... Mmm I feel sleepy!

The place where alcohol beer related dreams are made!

Free beer is never a bad thing!!

So tempting to just jump right in and paddle away...

                                                                       Emma x