Good Evening Everyone,
Im going through a
hard extremely hard time again, why are things so low at the moment? I can't help but thinking that it's being back at College and the anxiety of having my uncle from San Francisco over for four days, it's all getting too much to the point where I just want to roll away, crying and never coming back. By rolling away I mean running away whereas 'melting away' means committing suicide- I find it easier to say these phrases because it takes away that emotion from my family as to if I was going to say "Im so desperate to commit suicide" I feel safer saying those phrases, I can't upset my mum even more.
Im trying to find the strength to carry on, act like a normal teenager and go to College etc... but it's so hard. In my mind im not 17 im under 10, I depend so much on my mum to help me with things, be there for me but I don't want to live a life like that... If im ever going to live in the USA I
want need to become more independent. Im tired of pretending to be strong, on the outside I seem as though I can achieve anything but on the inside I feel weak, upset and alone when at the end of the day I just want to live a normal life. Im fed up of being the un-finished Rubix Cube. Im tired of being the screwed up Post-it note!!
Emma x
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