LUSH Christmas Wants!

Evening Bloggers,

This'll be my first LUSH Christmas, i've a few things on my christmas list as well as a few things I want to nab when the sale comes round.. *squeals with delight* Oooh how I am excited for that!

FOR THE RECORD, I AM IN LOVE WITH SNOW FAIRY <3

                                                                         Emma x

Feeling not so optimistic....

Good Evening

Today I had my CAMHS CPA meeting, for people that don't know what that is it's a Care Plan Approach meeting for when the time is coming up to switch services which is what I'll be doing in about two months time! I'll be going from CAMHS to WAMHS (Working Age Mental Health Services) or as me and my mum just like to refer to it as Wham (as in the band). Personally I think the name sounds pretty funny, not your average sounding service! Anyways, the meeting was okay I guess- rather very awkward at times but it went okay I mean no meeting with therapists is going to go brilliantly is it? So E was telling us about how Wham works when she brought down the bombshell from the oh-so-unforgiving sky... I might not be accepted into the service!! Now this is something that I hadn't though of, I mean why would I i've been with CAMHS for over 3 years and not once has there ever been mention of being discharged- I just assumed that I would automatically get accepted into the service because of the mental illnesses that I am suffering with!! I don't know, I guess im now feeling anxious that im not even going to get into the Wham service it's been talked about so much but now there is the possibility that im not even going to be accepted!

 Gaaah why is this life so full of complications?!


                                                    Emma x

Trying to find strength...But im so tired.

Good Evening Everyone,

Im going through a hard extremely hard time again, why are things so low at the moment? I can't help but thinking that it's being back at College and the anxiety of having my uncle from San Francisco over for four days, it's all getting too much to the point where I just want to roll away, crying and never coming back. By rolling away I mean running away whereas 'melting away' means committing suicide- I find it easier to say these phrases because it takes away that emotion from my family as to if I was going to say "Im so desperate to commit suicide" I feel safer saying those phrases, I can't upset my mum even more.

Im trying to find the strength to carry on, act like a normal teenager and go to College etc... but it's so hard. In my mind im not 17 im under 10, I depend so much on my mum to help me with things, be there for me but I don't want to live a life like that... If im ever going to live in the USA I want need to become more independent. Im tired of pretending to be strong, on the outside I seem as though I can achieve anything but on the inside I feel weak, upset and alone when at the end of the day I just want to live a normal life. Im fed up of being the un-finished Rubix Cube. Im tired of being the screwed up Post-it note!!


                                                  Emma x